Have you ever used the phrase - It's not you, it's me - and did you mean it when you used it? Did you really think it was you and not the other person? Or did you actually think - It's you and not me - but you did not want to confront the other... Continue Reading →
A great post about growing up and living with narcissists from an excellent blog and blogger!
Narcissistic abuse can be in your face obvious, but more often than not it is so subtle that it is barely there, and yet it is always there 24/365. Drip, drip, drip, wearing away even the toughest of substances.
From the outside, you are lucky to be a part of such a family. And you help to maintain this myth until you believe it too…
On the inside you are slowly being worn away… until all that is left of you is a big Cheshire Cat grin, still pretending.
This is a beautifully evocative insight into life with narcissists, and also a view of how to slowly emerge from it. It takes time, a gentle rebuilding after years of degradation which seemed normal and took a while to realise it wasn’t.
Thank you for sharing!
Once while swimming laps several years ago, I was struck by this thought: That if I were to be happy, I’d be betraying my mother and sister. So long had I drunk the Koolaid that I thought this.
My sister’s narcissism was more overt, actually saying things like, “If you really cared about me, you’d know exactly what type of gift to buy me.” Or, “You’re not a loyal enough family member,” without actually defining what loyal meant.
For much of my life, I’d focused my anger onto my sister because her behavior was more obvious. She produced feelings in me of despair, fear, anger and guilt.
My mother’s scourge was so much more subtle and therefore insidious. I would even feel inclined to apologize to my sister for blocking her out as much as I did, except that I finally realized how much in collusion they were. I fear her…
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A very thought provoking post from a great blog and blogger, expressing an issue which can affect all of us, one way or another, when we’re faced with sharing ourselves, our stories, with others, especially when sharing our very personal and painful experiences.
The question asked is one which is difficult to answer.
Those are the best questions to ask, but the hardest ones for which to find just one answer.
Thank you for sharing!
SO… I’ve pretty much worked through the emotional part of gearing up for my series next month. There is one final stumbling block that I really can’t get myself to address. I’m sitting here poised and ready to share my story with the world at large and I haven’t even really told my family. I’m sure at least one of my younger sisters has figured it out just because she follows me on Twitter where I post most of my private…er… well more private than the blog thoughts. I mean it’s eventually going to come to light so it’s not really an issue so much as the fact that I haven’t told my parents.
They are completely in the dark about it. Nary a clue that something so devastating has happened to their child. Of course just about everything I tell them in my life comes as a complete surprise…
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Are you a self-identified ACoN - Adult Child of a Narcissist? . . If you are please consider taking this survey - Parental Communication Measure Study . . The survey is being conducted by Valerie Coles, Ph.D. and Dr. Jennifer Monahan of the University of Georgia’s Department of Communication Studies. It is open to all Adult Children... Continue Reading →
A well thought out and thoughtful post! . Please read it carefully, especially if you relate to the scapegoat role assigned to you by your narcissist parent, before you react. The subject of being a child of a narcissist (ACoN) can trigger our pain and we need to pause before reacting to make sure we... Continue Reading →
This post is written by MM. It is a comment which was made recently on my post - Being a Child of Narcissists - Breaking the Silence - and when I read it, I found it to be so inspiring, the thought and feeling expressed to be so powerful, that I asked MM if I... Continue Reading →
One of my mother’s longest running stories about herself is that she is a Mrs. Fix-it, which includes being a martyr and saviour in its list of traits. Identity defining stories like that need a companion tale running alongside it to bolster it. Like a runner training for a marathon with their coach,... Continue Reading →
A superb account of what it is like to be the child of a narcissistic mother, which also applies to a narcissistic father.
We need to inform ourselves – whether we are ACoNs (Adult Children of Narcissists), their partners, spouses, friends or otherwise, or whether we are in a relationship with a narcissist, have children with them, or are affected by them in any other way.
The more we understand them and how they affect us, the more we can understand how to heal, undo what they have done, find a way to be free from their programming, training, influence and control.
By finding out what is ‘wrong’ we can find out what is ‘right’, with us, with others.
By sharing we help ourselves and we help others help themselves too.
Thank you for sharing.
April is Child Abuse Awareness and Prevention month. At The Invisible Scar, we are focusing on emotional child abuse, such as the various types, how to help emotionally abused children, resources for healing, adult survivors of emotional child abuse, and the special case of narcissism.
Adult children of narcissistic parents (ACoNs) know a special type of emotional abuse in being raised by narcissists. (Biological mothers, stepmothers, biological fathers, and stepfathers can be N parents.)
Before we discuss the special case of narcissism, please note that not every emotionally abusive parent has the narcissistic personality disorder. In some circumstances, an emotionally abusive parent who is not a narcissist can change and improve his or her parenting. The same is not true for the narcissistic parent, however. Every narcissistic parent is an emotional abuser.
A narcissist is a person who has the narcissistic personality disorder.
Narcissistic personality disorder is one…
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. I get very passionate about certain things and the passion takes over. One of the things which sets my passion off is when victims of Narcissists victimise other victims of Narcissists not intentionally but through misunderstanding. Which in some ways makes it worse. It’s that road to hell paved with good intentions. If I... Continue Reading →
The title of this post comes from the first two chapters of the book - Going Mad to Stay Sane: The Psychology of Self-Destructive Behaviour by Andy White , and the author has a blog - Andy White – Narcissism and The Fruits of Suffering. It is one of my favourite books as it explained... Continue Reading →
Halls of Blind by Haliestra "My mother trained me to tell her everything she does was right. And when I did not agree with her, I was a bad son who betrayed her and then used guilt to keep me. A thought of my own was forbidden. The word “WE” was used a lot as... Continue Reading →
About ten years ago I cut off all contact with my mother. I got to that straw that broke the camel's back moment. It was a long time coming. My mother is a Malignant Narcissist. She doesn't know this of course, she sees herself as a saint, a martyr and a perpetual damsel in distress... Continue Reading →
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0L1hD5OlPtw George Baker - Little Green Bag What's my favourite toy? I had too many toys as a child. I was the spoiled only child of two wealthy Narcissists who had many sycophants who paid homage to the child to curry favour with the parents. I did not want toys, I wanted love, but since... Continue Reading →