Putty In Our Eyes

Let’s start again shall we… just talking to my selves.

I started writing a post this morning when I thought I had some time to do that, but then I got interrupted which led to lots of busy stuff elsewhere, and when I finally came back to the post many hours later I thought – I’ll delete it and start again… I didn’t really like it anyway.

My ex-post is dead now so it can’t be hurt by that… or can it?

The deleted post had the same title as this and I’ll probably discuss in this post some of what I discussed in that one because it’s what’s on my mind, what I’m chatting about with myself… but it’ll be different, hopefully I’ll like it this time.

So… where shall we start?

Do you find it annoying or not annoying when someone asks you about your beliefs?

I find it annoying.

It’s particularly annoying when the person asking isn’t doing it because they’re genuinely interested in your beliefs, they simply want you to put your heart on a table so they can stab it and tell you how your beliefs are wrong according to them.

It’s even more annoying when they don’t share their beliefs with you beforehand or at all because… well, they don’t want you doing to them and their beliefs what they’re going to do to you and your beliefs.

People who like to ask others on a regular basis about their beliefs or what they believe… strike me as people who are having belief and believing issues of their own.

Atheists seem to compulsively need to discuss belief with others, especially those others who belief differently from them… why? If you believe in nothing, then just chill, nothing is happy you believe in it and is hoping you’ll accept it with a smile when your time on Earth is up. Why must you keep discussing God when according to you and your belief system this is a unicorn… I don’t believe in unicorns (and yes, unicorns I know you believe in me…) and don’t talk that much about them with others unless they bring them up and then I’m like… whatever (typical Gen-X-er).

If you think about it… we tend to ask questions more often about things we’re unsure about than about things we’re sure about – we keep needing to check, double-check, triple-check with everyone else about such and such. But when we’re certain… why ask anyone anything about it because you’ve totally got this!

If you’re at home and comfortable in your beliefs… the different beliefs of others don’t bother you. They have their beliefs and you have yours… everyone’s okey-dokey with their system. Smile.

Okay some belief systems require fighting the belief systems of others… the humaniverse loves drama, drama, DRAMA!

What I really find annoying is the word and concept of “belief”… I prefer it when people ask me what I “think” or how I “feel” about something.

I don’t really believe anything.

I don’t really believe anything anyone tells me…

I came across this while I was rummaging through my WP media archives and it struck a chord, made me go hmmm… tied in with something I was contemplating.

I don’t even believe what I see… because what I see changes based on how I’m looking at it, when I’m looking at it, why I’m looking at it.

It changes based on my thoughts and my feelings of the moment, the lighting, the time of day, whether I’m wearing glasses, what I’m focused or unfocused on… and what’s annoying me.

For instance I’m not bothered by flies unless they’re bothering me… there’s a tiny one being a nuisance right now as I write this… there was a tiny one being a nuisance. Dammit, I just cleaned the windows and the blinds!

Now there’s a big one buzzing around me. I just waved my arms around a bit and it went to another room so problem solved.

While I prefer it when people ask me what I “think” or “feel” about something or someone… I do worry a bit about my perspective influencing the person who asked. It surprises me in an awkward manner when something I say alters someone’s perception… why?

I do know why… or do I?

It bothers me when I allow others to influence my perception, but not always. It depends… it always depends on a case by case context.

Yesterday Angie asked me what my opinion was with regards to the Enneagram.

Something bugged me about my reply…

So this morning I did a search or two or three and… then I found this great post which summed up how I felt and thought about the Enneagram:

“Originally the Enneagram was taught by secret oral tradition.  At first it was used for spiritual development.  More recently it has “gone public” with numerous books, workshops, and applications.  Is this a lasting important Typology, or is it merely the Typology of the moment?  In some ways people who use the Enneagram are similar to those who developed MBTI. There is lots of enthusiasm, new applications are being developed, new publications are being offered, and  the first international conference was held in 1995, with over 1000 participants.  In other ways it is very different.

Why do we need another typology system, particularly one built on a system of 9 types?  The hypothesis which seems to fit the two systems is that each system measures a different part of our mental apparatus which Jung calls the psyche.  MBTI appears to be concerned with the conscious, cognitive part of the psyche, while the Enneagram is focused on unconscious, motivating forces in the depths of the psyche, perhaps associated with its archetypal structure.  The two systems come at the psyche in two contrasting ways.

The MBTI starts with the assumption that there are four sets of fundamental choices, E/I, S/N, T/F, J/P, each of which are equally good.  The description for each of the 16 types is presented in mostly a positive light.  There is an emphasis on goodness–different styles and patterns, but  the overall focus is on positive attributes.  Only after one has learned the basic system, does one’s attention go to the negative attributes of a personality, for example, when one is in the grip of the inferior function.

The early teachers of the Enneagram started with a consideration of negative behavior.  In fact some related the different styles to the “Seven Deadly Sins” of the Christian tradition plus two additional “Sins” of Deceit and Fear.  The learner may be asked to choose what is their chief fault, which lies at the basis of their life script.  In Jungian terms, it is as though how we structure our Shadow archetype describes the underlying motives of our life.  Enneatype descriptions can range from extremely healthy (noble or altruistic) to extremely unhealthy (psychotic).”

excerpt from MBTI and Enneagram – Their Relationship and Complementary Use by By Tom Flautt & John Richards

If you’re into the Enneagram and are wondering what type I am… I’m the type voted most likely to question the Enneagram – Type 5w6 (type 5 is associated with my MBTI – INTP, the type most likely to question the MBTI too).

Both describe my type in their own way fairly accurately, but… if you consider that there are 16 MBTI and 9 Enneagram types for billions of people, and while each person may have similarities with others they also have differences, are unique individuals with quirks, gifts, abilities, which are theirs and theirs alone… it’s going to be a limited accuracy.

I like astrology partly because it factors in billions of people born under a sign, variables, allows for uniqueness, individuality, and a personal spin on a placement which others also have… but you do have to delve into the subject otherwise you’ll only have 12 personality types and their stereotypes with which to work with and crowbar yourself into before you decide it’s all bullshit because your sign sucks and you don’t.

Both the Enneargam and the MBTI view my type in their systems as being inept when it comes to feelings and emotion.

When I was younger that would have been more accurate, but only because the people in my immediate environment as a child, pre-teen, teen and young adult, regularly made me feel that my emotions were something I shouldn’t have and encouraged me to hide them, detach from them, discard them as useless, unimportant, irrelevant, become a mind without heart – at least not a genuine heart, fake hearts which please others the way others want those hearts to please them are a must!

I allowed other people to influence me with their thoughts, feelings, opinions, beliefs… and I damaged myself in the process, by doing things like cutting myself off from my emotions for their benefit because mostly I wasn’t allowed to feel anything only they were allowed to feel – my emotions were competition for their emotions, and since they were the “experts” and I was the “amateur”, I had to cede to them.

I don’t want people to experience me the way I experienced those others… which is why I worry about my influence on others.

But I don’t want to control others, so if they choose to be influenced by me, then that’s up to them.

Yeah… I realise… human shit is complicated.

While I was on the site which contained that post about the Enneagram & MBTI mash-up, I decided to check out what else was there…

And came across this:

“A recent event gave me pause – and scared me. As I was about to apply my dog’s monthly flea and tick medication, I noticed the black fur between her shoulder blades (where I always apply the medication) had the white residue this medication leaves. Had I already given it to her? When? I had no memory of this! I dug through a gloppy mess of chicken bones and other assorted unpleasantness in the trash can, only to find the empty tube that confirmed I had indeed given her the medication. Where was my attention, that I didn’t remember this act? What if I hadn’t noticed her fur and overdosed her by giving it to her a second time?

I have a regular practice of being mindful throughout my day, so this was disappointing to say the least, not to mention quite disconcerting. And I’ve been noticing lately there seems to be something missing in my mindfulness practice, or perhaps more accurately, something is present that blocks some of my experience. When I’m unloading the dishwasher, I look for ways to finish the task as efficiently as possible to move on to something I prefer doing. I rush through chopping vegetables, cooking dinner, and cleaning up, because there is always more work to do.   It seems I’m aware of what I’m doing, yet also not fully wanting to be where I am. I’m often not enjoying the experience. Is this really mindfulness? Am I fully present in those times?

I find myself procrastinating as well. I procrastinated organizing my overstuffed and chaotic closets for the last two years because it seems boring and somewhat overwhelming to go through all the stuff. When I finally did clean out my office closet, I was amazed at how much calmer and more focused I felt when working in that room. I commented on Facebook about these insights, and many others also commented that it makes a big difference to them as well.
And then this comment changed my whole mindset about mindfulness:

“We are so busy busy busy and taking time to organize/clean up/rearrange is a time for me to slow     down and take a moment to love my surroundings. Taking time to make the bed in the morning, pull back the curtains, clean all the surfaces….if I’m doing it mindfully, it becomes a nurturing activity for myself and for my environment.”  – Julie Lessard

excerpt from The Facebook Comment that Completely Changed My Mindfulness Practice By Beth O’Hara

It’s a great post…

It’s one of those posts I love being able to read because it’s like visiting an alternate reality.

While I could relate to a few experiences the author mentioned having – like completely forgetting you’ve done something and trying to do it again only to… ruh-roh, and finding certain household chores tedious so you avoid doing them – I couldn’t really relate to their approach and perspective.

I find “mindfulness” annoying.

That might be because I’m an INTP and Enneagram type 5 – being aware of what you’re doing, saying, thinking, feeling, etc, at all times is part of those types’ normal.

Thus the concept of mindfulness = same as usual, what our types always do… INTP’s and Type 5’s love a bit of mindlessness. It’s a break from routine… ah, to not be mindful, how lovely it is!

Then again… I find a lot of things annoying.

I quite like being annoyed, it stimulates thought, feeling, emotion, stirs up internal sediment and makes me want to explore, dig deeper, figure out why it’s annoying me because something which annoys you has a story to tell you about yourself, perhaps it’s showing you a knot which needs unraveling or cutting.

It’s a puzzle which wants solving… look at that mess of muddled pieces, let’s make a picture out of them, but… will the picture we make be the one that we see?

One of the things I like about household chores is the fact that I don’t need to think while doing them… or at least I only need minimal thought – the thought required to do the task, which if the task has been done regularly is really just autopilot.

Don’t fall off the ladder (but if you do be sure to activate falling from ladder training aka judo rolls), swish with one side now swish with other, dry, done, next.

Time to mentally relax and… perhaps have an unexpected but always appreciated aha moment.

Over the last few days I’ve been cleaning the windows of my house, inside and out. It doesn’t require much thought… which gives my mind lots of space to think about things which it wants to contemplate.

Mundane chores put you in a meditative state without having to do all that goes with doing meditation properly according to that segment of human humanness – the perfectionist – which thinks there’s a proper way of doing things and nothing but that will do… all else is failure (fuck you, perfectionist!).

Sometimes the mindless task allows the mind to make connections between something which it has been contemplating and the task itself.

For instance… while cleaning one set of windows I noticed that the bottom edge on the outside had cracked and was crumbling away. Time to practice my window putty skills which need practice… especially if I’m going to replace that cracked window pane myself (which I’m totally doing myself).

The pic above was taken early this morning (hence the condensation droplets – aren’t they pretty) apres me testing my linseed putty application… it needs to dry a bit more before I paint it.

I tapped it lightly with my fingertip – getting still moist putty stuck to my finger.

Shortly after I’d done that… I wiped my eye and got a bit of wet putty residue in it.

Yup, I did call myself an idiot… but then my mind had an aha moment thanks to the idiot’s mistake.

It shouted with glee – putty in the eye!!!

Recently I’ve been contemplating a common phrase – What we see is who we are – and looking at it from new and different perspectives.

I was thinking about it while washing windows… and applying putty to windows… and accidentally putting a bit of putty residue in my eye.

Putty in the eye!!!

All we see is putty… how we shape it tells us who we are… but who is this “who” who we are?

I was going to expand and explain further but every time I do that WordPress goes into glitch mode… better listen to what it’s saying.

16 comments

  1. I’m late to this conversation🙄 but it’s how slow my mind had been moving lately.

    I have to take the Ennegram again, I can’t comment what it gave me but those questions are so “please pay attention when taking me”; all eyes be upon the questions for it’ll type you something altogether different and then you gotta start all over again.

    Kareem and I had a conversation regarding a FB post he came across where a preacher denounced The Bible and organized religion because of the inconsistencies of timeline within Bible and Historical facts. People (of his church and many of his friends) have since ostracised him for questioning the Bible (now). We have struggled with the organization of Christianity itself. We are believers of God but how the belief system it’s been warped and tugged, it’s a huge turnoff. We rather have our own discussions and ask questions amongst ourselves (which we often do). Our boys will know who God is but not forced to adhere to mana made doctrine in order for them to have salvation. Salvation shouldn’t be bartered according to what church or denomination you attend. The funny thing is all of that is in the Bible, yet its glossed over for control as The Word is always used.
    So for fear of getting into over analytical conversations with avid church goers we keep our perception to ourselves. You mentioned how atheists always want to question why people believe in God because they want to refute their belief system but it also works the other way around with different denominations of Christianity. This is why there’s a negative stigma associated with them.

    Like

    • Hey, Scherezade 🙂

      It sounds like INFP’s are similar to INTP’s when taking personality tests – we analyse the test as it is trying to analyse us, and we type it 😉 Most personality tests are of the annoying type 😀

      Oh dear, FB and what people use it for. I have an atheist friend who uses FB as his pulpit, spends most of his time preaching science as god, but he doesn’t actually seem to know that much about science, he just uses internet science memes and popular science sound bites. He also posts a lot of those anti-Christian memes and rants about people needing to respect the beliefs or non-beliefs of others… so why isn’t he doing that? The weird thing is this guy used to be so live and let live chill.

      This decade and all the stuff going on, especially politically, has brought out the extremist in a lot of people who didn’t used to be that way. It’s like everyone just wants to fight and be against everyone else. We’re living in very narcissistic times, but I think the next decade might have us all beginning to see the connections between us rather than the divisions. Maybe the Climate Change movement will put things into focus, one way or another.

      Like

  2. Oh, the wasabi made me forget I want to say this. Reading your comment just now, I look at the Enneagram chat again and I think the Aquarius ex is a 2-3

    Like

    • The description for enneagram type 2 is very similar to the traditional role associated with females – helpful, caring, loving, empathic, people-pleasing, who can become overly needy, demanding, domineering if they aren’t appreciated. Basically it’s the role of “mother” who becomes something else when unhappy.

      Your Aqua ex is your landlady? Might be interesting to find a way to get her to take the test and see what result she gets for herself, then compare it with the result you’ve given her.

      That’s the sort of experiment I would do because I’m a type 5 😉

      Like

      • Haha Mrs Landlady has no patience for such test unless it’s justified with a monetary reward lol also i think she has v short attention span for things out of her interest zone 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Ah, I saw the Enneagram Test in your comments the other day and check it out. My results are in the new post. The perfectionist thingy, hmm what coincidence, I was ranting a bit in the post 😀

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    • Just read your post and left a comment, Rev 🙂

      I saw the perfectionist thingy. My issue with perfectionists started with my mother, she’s patient zero of the dis-ease of perfectionism 😉 I think she was an enneagram type 1w2. She passed the perfectionist dis-ease onto me, but luckily I finally cured myself of it by embracing Wabi-sabi. I’m glad I experienced it though because it helps to understand it, the impulse and motives for being that way.

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      • Haha, patient 0 – that’s the ultimate! Glad to hear you shrugged off the perfection thingy. A Cappy perfectionist sounds hellish 😀

        Btw, can you take Wasabi? Lol ya just a random question because I saw wasabi when I read Wabi Sabi 😉

        Like

          • Many years ago, there was a very popular HK celebrity game show where at some point the losing team had to eat sushi stuffed with big chunk of wasabi 😿 and most of them ended in tears, their face looked horrible lol.

            I like wasabi too, but watching that show warned me against taking a big pinch, especially the one from tubes. Love love the fresh wasabi that has the earthly taste and a little sweet actually, I could eat the fresh one just like that in small pinches 😁

            Liked by 1 person

  4. I like to listen to my friends and workmates tell me how they see the world, life, purpose etc – I like to hear about their beliefs. I have my own too. I am happy to talk about them.

    But my ears are fairly well tuned to how one set of beliefs may contradict another, that’s when my sense of tact and diplomacy kick in. I would never want to crush someone else’s treasured beliefs that may have kept them alive until now. So I am careful and cautious whenever we have a conversation about our beliefs.

    What may seem ridiculous in one person’s eyes, may be sacred and deeply precious to another person. So I don’t rush in like a bull in a china shop. I do love people though, really love knowing what makes someone tick, what it is that they hold dear and what they hope for in life.

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    • Thank you for sharing, Mel 🙂

      I agree, it’s fascinating to get a glimpse of how others see life, being human, the world, and themselves. I like that there are so many varied beliefs, I think it makes things more interesting. It’s a kaleidoscope and those are beautiful.

      Like

  5. Oh dang, I done poked the bear.🐻😄

    I could tell that enneagram ruled you up. You explained it very well and were also careful to explain that you didnt want your feelings to affect mine.

    I appreciate both your honest answer and your sense of fairness.😍

    It’s funny, I just came across the word and a little blurb and decided to find a test. I love the different tests. Most are silly, some are big ol’ ad profile traps, and some are interesting. I took the enneagram test, got my 9w8 result and read what the test site had about that group. It was similar to my MBTI INFP. I thought that was interesting.

    I filed the hmmmm away for future thought. I wanted your opinion because I figured if anyone knew about the subject you probably would. You had way more info than I expected even.

    I still haven’t looked into it anymore. I haven’t had the relaxed time to do it. Also, it was a curiosity, I may or may not have pursued it any further. I still may or may not.

    When I ask for someone that I respect’s opinion I take it at face value. I then form my own opinion and see if I come to the same conclusion. Usually I do, because people I respect tend to see things similarly to me. Not because I value their opinion over my own. If we differ, that’s great too because it gives us something to discuss and dissect from different directions.

    So, when you have putty in your eye does everyone have a Blurry Face?😉

    I better press “post comment” before I fall asleep, which I’ve been randomly doing all day.😴🤤💌

    Like

    • Haha! You didn’t poke the bear, the bear poked herself 😉

      I sometimes poke myself deliberately because it’s a good way to find out what you’re hiding from yourself, and what needs to be explored. Funnily enough it was narcissists who taught me to do that because they do that to people to find their “vulnerabilities”, which they then use to influence, manipulate and control people. I was fed up of my vulnerabilities being used against me, to control, influence and manipulate me, so I started poking myself to find the trigger points and work on making them not something easily used by others.

      Both the 5 and INTP are investigators who like to find out what makes them and others tick. They are types which don’t settle with the surface of things, but go deeper to find out more. So if you ask me about something I’ve been interested in, I usually have a big internal file on it and I have a tendency to plonk that file down in front of the person who asked me about that area of interest. I do remind myself that others aren’t interested in things the way I am, but what if they are!?

      I love gathering information, these days it’s not so much intellectual info as it is consciousness info.

      I did a quick search on WP for “enneagram” after I wrote this post and apparently the system has become popular again due to Christians, some author rejigged it for Christians to use as part of their spiritual practices.

      However not all Christians are happy about it being studied and encouraged in the flock, a few have done some research on it (they probably read Wiki’s page on it) and found that it originated in the Occult (cue sinister music). One blogger wrote a post warning other Christians that they should stay away from the enneagram because it is the work of Satan – they obviously didn’t like what the enneagram said about their type and decided the system should be branded as evil and burned at the stake. That particular blogger is one I see commenting on posts of bloggers I follow and they usually say happy-nicey things, but wow do they have an intense dark side hidden behind the happy-nicey smile.

      Another Christian blogger who typed as a 5, enjoyed the challenge the enneagram write up of their type posed for them. They said their church was doing course on it and they’d attended a several day workshop on it. They encouraged people to try it out.

      The juxtaposition between the two perspectives was interesting.

      One of the things I’ve noticed is that when I’m working on a puzzle, contemplating an idea, asking questions, the answer flow to me, pieces of the puzzle appear, but ti’s a bit like in dreams, they’re often in symbolic form, like a putty in the eye, or they’re in code, in something negative, irritating, annoying, an interruption or disruption, or a mundane chore, or something someone says to me, something I read at random or not random. If I say something and it bothers me… then there’s a piece of the puzzle in there.

      It sounds like you’re gathering puzzle pieces at the moment, the wait and see is a good approach 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • When organized religion gets involved in something, either pro or con, I want to run away from it. Too much hypocrisy and too much harm done in the name of “good”.

        I’m gathering pieces but I suspect they’re all from different puzzles. The trick will be making sense out of it all. 🤪
        Why do things the easy way when doing things the hard way offers so many opportunities to fall on my face? I’ve read Calvin & Hobbes, I can say “Ta da” with the best of ’em.👍😂

        Liked by 1 person

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