Where there was once a hole…

When I first moved into my house, I stated that I wouldn't do anything to it until I'd lived here for awhile... I was rather pleased with myself for stating that because it showed to me that I'd actually learned something from past mistakes made due to rushing in, letting loose, excitedly doing stuff in... Continue Reading →

Leaps I’ve Taken in Life… and their consequences

Do you look before you leap or leap and look later? Chances are you do a bit of both depending on the situation and how much you want to do one or the other. At any given point we have a hundred tangents bearing down on our decisions, from our past, present, and all those... Continue Reading →

The Honourable Judgement of Others

I don't normally like to comment on News stories, especially those which have become a hot topic online and are doing the world wide web outrage rounds. There are many reasons why I prefer to keep my opinion to myself. Mostly it is because what is reported in the News, and then spread from mouth... Continue Reading →

A Tale of Two Legacies

. “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope,... Continue Reading →

Don’t Worry, Be… Happy?

A warm and embracing thank you to Lynette d'Arty-Cross, for bravely and boldly doing the hokey-cokey-pokey with me and jumping into the challenge of asking me this question: . What is one of your best, happy memories from any time in the past? . In my posts I sometimes veer into lands of sadness, anger,... Continue Reading →

Is Your Parent a Narcissist? – Take the Survey!

Image by V. Jarski from - Surviving the Narcissistic Parent via The Invisible Scar - please read this article if you think you're a child of a narcissist/narcissists. . . If you missed the Adult Children of Narcissists (ACONs) survey and study which Valerie Coles, Ph.D. and Dr. Jennifer Monahan of The University of Georgia’s... Continue Reading →

Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful

. If you're my age or thereabouts... - which in trending terms would be the sort of person who wears flats to The Cannes Film Festival (I have no idea what the real story behind the snowballing media 'real story' version is, it's hard to believe anything these days, but this has stirred up so... Continue Reading →

Life on a Narcissistic Roller Coaster

When I was about 13 years old, my mother and I took a trip to New York City. The reason for the trip was so that my mother could check up on my father’s business partners in one of his latest ventures. He had a habit, according to my mother, of getting involved with dubious... Continue Reading →

The Story of Snow Doll

I am living in headcoldia at the moment, blissfully dopey (more so than usual), and thought I would re-share an old post.

Enjoy (hopefully)!

An Upturned Soul

SnowSha

When I was a child my mother used to tell me Japanese folklore stories. Her favourite story was – O Tsuru no Ongaeshi – The Grateful Crane.

There are two versions of it, one with a young man and one with an old couple. I was told the latter version.

It is the tale of a crane who is rescued from a hunter’s trap and set free by an old man who is out collecting firewood in Winter. A while later on a snowy night a young woman turns up at the house of the old man and his wife. She claims to be lost and is welcomed into the home.

She ends up staying with the couple, being adopted as their daughter.

They are a poor couple and the young woman offers to help them earn more to thank them for their hospitality and generosity. She asks that they…

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The Rebel’s Role Model

Can you recall who your role models were when you were a child? The other day I idly asked myself this question, and before I could form an answer in a logical, methodical and wordy manner, my mind was flooded with a succession of images of all the characters, fictional or real, who inspired me... Continue Reading →

I knew this friendship with myself couldn’t last forever

(the lines on the palm make a goat symbol...or at least that's what I saw) . . “My life failed on the very day I was born.” ― Robert Bly . . Ask any man or woman about the day of their birth, what they personally recall of one of the most momentous days in... Continue Reading →

An Optical Delusion – The Mouse who was a Leaf

. . Ever have one of those moments where your eyes lie to you, but you believe them, perhaps just for a fraction of time before your mind analyses the data and realises a mistake has been made. Why are your eyes lying to you, don’t they know that you don’t like being lied to.... Continue Reading →

The Funny Side of Narcissists

Jesperhus by Tomasz Sienicki . . Did you ever hear the story about a certain princess who couldn't sleep because of a tiny pea placed under a mountain of mattresses? Absurd, isn't it? A fantasy tale which is most entertaining, especially when you're a child with a fertile imagination where beans grow into magical plants.... Continue Reading →

The Golden Child

A well thought out and thoughtful post! . Please read it carefully, especially if you relate to the scapegoat role assigned to you by your narcissist parent, before you react. The subject of being a child of a narcissist (ACoN) can trigger our pain and we need to pause before reacting to make sure we... Continue Reading →

Why Are You So Serious?

As a child... Being a child was the territory of the adults in my life. My territory was being the only adult, who, happened to be trapped inside the body of a child. This created many problems, for me, not for them, those eternally youthful souls whose bodies betrayed them by getting old while their... Continue Reading →

Between the Sun and the Moon

. . Between the Sun and the Moon . Between silhouette and shadow . Between father and mother . Between child and adult . Between past and future . Between here and there . Between us and them . Between him and her . Between hero and villain . Between Beauty and the Beast .... Continue Reading →

The Child’s Narcissists

 I am a child of Narcissists.According to me..Sometimes listening to others,is not a good thing..Being a child of Narcissists,According to experts is not a good thing to be.According to other children of Narcissists, this is not a good thing to be.According to me this is not a good thing to be....But how did I come... Continue Reading →

The Heart of a Child is a Balloon

. ∇ “There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.” ― Terry Pratchett Δ  .. When I was a child, balloons fascinated me. Whenever I spotted a balloon vendor in the park, my heart would inflate and float, bouncing up and... Continue Reading →

Mrs. Fix-it to the rescue

    One of my mother’s longest running stories about herself is that she is a Mrs. Fix-it, which includes being a martyr and saviour in its list of traits. Identity defining stories like that need a companion tale running alongside it to bolster it. Like a runner training for a marathon with their coach,... Continue Reading →

Trapped in a Perfect World

    “Inside the snow globe on my father's desk, there was a penguin wearing a red-and-white-striped scarf. When I was little my father would pull me into his lap and reach for the snow globe. He would turn it over, letting all the snow collect on the top, then quickly invert it. The two... Continue Reading →

Surviving the Narcissistic Parent: ACoNs (Adult Children of Narcissists)

A superb account of what it is like to be the child of a narcissistic mother, which also applies to a narcissistic father.

We need to inform ourselves – whether we are ACoNs (Adult Children of Narcissists), their partners, spouses, friends or otherwise, or whether we are in a relationship with a narcissist, have children with them, or are affected by them in any other way.

The more we understand them and how they affect us, the more we can understand how to heal, undo what they have done, find a way to be free from their programming, training, influence and control.

By finding out what is ‘wrong’ we can find out what is ‘right’, with us, with others.

By sharing we help ourselves and we help others help themselves too.

Thank you for sharing.

The Invisible Scar

narcissistic-mothers-smApril is Child Abuse Awareness and Prevention month. At The Invisible Scar, we are focusing on emotional child abuse, such as the various types, how to help emotionally abused children,  resources for healing, adult survivors of emotional child abuse, and the special case of narcissism.

Adult children of narcissistic parents (ACoNs) know a special type of emotional abuse in being raised by narcissists. (Biological mothers, stepmothers, biological fathers, and stepfathers can be N parents.) 

Before we discuss the special case of narcissism, please note that not every emotionally abusive parent has the narcissistic personality disorder. In some circumstances, an emotionally abusive parent who is not a narcissist can change and improve his or her parenting.  The same is not true for the narcissistic parent, however. Every narcissistic parent is an emotional abuser.

A narcissist is a person who has the narcissistic personality disorder.

Narcissistic personality disorder is one…

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My Mother Once Told Me…

A Victorian Family Portrait via The Independent My mother once told me… That as a child she used to imagine what being loved and loving would be like. One particular memory stood out in her mind. Not a single memory of one incident, but a memory of longing and yearning which coloured an incident which... Continue Reading →

Covert Oops – codename: She Who Laughs First

She who laughs first turns embarrassment into a shared moment of fun, of ice-breaking joviality, of another fight won against perfectionism, of loosening the noose of seriousness, of just plain being human appreciation. I’ll admit I look rather sinister in that photo, but a funny kind of sinister. I have a twisted sense of humour... Continue Reading →

Swimming, Crawling, Walking, Talking

Photo by Cheri Lucas Rowlands via The Daily Post   Before I learned to do anything else, except eating, drinking and sleeping, I learned to swim. I was a lucky baby. My parents had a house with a pool. It was a big curvaceous pool, with tiny shimmering mosaic tiles of varying shades of blue,... Continue Reading →

The Story of Snow Doll

When I was a child my mother used to tell me Japanese folklore stories. Her favourite story was - O Tsuru no Ongaeshi - The Grateful Crane. There are two versions of it, one with a young man and one with an old couple. I was told the latter version. It is the tale of... Continue Reading →

The Absent Father and The Devouring Mother

The title of this post comes from the first two chapters of the book - Going Mad to Stay Sane: The Psychology of Self-Destructive Behaviour by Andy White , and the author has a blog - Andy White – Narcissism and The Fruits of Suffering. It is one of my favourite books as it explained... Continue Reading →

If you look for Perfection, you’ll never be Content

“If you look for perfection, you'll never be content.” ― Leo Tolstoy The Daily Post is whispering in my ear again asking me this time to - Tell us about a time when everything actually turned out exactly as you’d hoped - and - show us - PERFECT - in CAPS... what's all the shouting... Continue Reading →

Through The Window

As a child I used to watch a program for kids on TV which had a segment where three windows of different shapes would be show next to each other on screen and then the presenter would say - which window shall we look through today? I don’t think the viewer was as involved in... Continue Reading →

What’s Your Story?

  I’ve written a lot about Narcissists this year. Both my parents are Narcissists, and although I have been estranged by personal choice from them for over ten years, they returned into my life due to my father’s death which occurred at about this time last year. So much of what I have written is... Continue Reading →

Dancing in the Sunshine

“The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.” - Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild   The Daily Post's Weekly Photo Challenge, challenged us to capture joy in one... Continue Reading →

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