Sometimes I Climb the Walls and Lie on the Ceiling
[This is a repost of a post published in November 2014. This is one of those posts which I not only remember writing, but I also recall exactly what inspired me to write it. At the time I was receiving quite a lot of comments on my posts about narcissists, 'narcissist' was a trending hot... Continue Reading →
Recently on several different news sites there were articles about an open debate which had broken out between psychologists about whether they could professionally weigh in on President Trump's mental status. This is an excerpt from one of those: . via The Guardian online . Both sides of the debate have valid arguments... so I... Continue Reading →
. Can you recall the moment that the concept of Love first became a conscious consideration for you? When did you start thinking about Love? When did you become aware that a certain sensation was a feeling called Love? And when did you begin conjuring up the image in your mind’s eye of the one... Continue Reading →
Someone whose opinion I value... because... well, amongst other things, they've weathered the storm that is par for the course in the process of getting to know me... recently told me that I should stop editing myself so much. I agree, you're right, I'm trying... and that can be very trying! I'm not an easy... Continue Reading →
Can we start over? - asked the spider of the fly. The fly wrapped up in fine silk, spun around and looked at the spider. Was the spider crazy!?! What did it mean by 'starting over'? The spider had captured the fly, wrestled with it, injected it with poison, wrapped it up, and left it... Continue Reading →
. Have you ever been in a relationship with a narcissist? That's a bit of a trick question... tricky to answer. Why? Partly because the term 'narcissist' hasn't always meant what it means now. It used to mean someone who was very vain... . http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQZmCJUSC6g . ... in love with themselves, with their reflection which... Continue Reading →
. Catch me on a bad day, when everything seems to be going belly up, when every minor irritation flares into a major inflammation, when I'm throwing myself a pity party and no one is invited because they'd be a killjoy to my misery, and you'll find me tearing myself a new one for some... Continue Reading →
"The pain, the despair, the craziness of self-destructive behaviour is as loud a statement as it is possible to make that our soul is in exile and under attack." - Andy White . Isn't it typical. The moment you want something, it plays hard to get. However if you don't want it, it's there for... Continue Reading →
This is a wonderful post from a deeply introspective blogger, who shares themselves on their beautifully insightful blog.
.If you’ve ever been involved in a relationship with a narcissist or someone you thought could, maybe, perhaps have narcissistic personality disorder… but you hope that they don’t, that what you think is somehow just you and not them… then please read this, and the other posts on this blog.
.It is rare to get a male perspective of a female narcissist… This perspective is more than that, it is rich with heartfelt personal experience, empathy, and a need to understand.
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Thank you for sharing!
In my continuing evaluation of where my life was, is, and appears to be going, I have discovered there are certain things that I know now that I sometimes wish that I didn’t. While I wish that I didn’t know them, I also understand that ultimately they are going to benefit me. Are you confused enough yet? To be more to the point, I often wish that I didn’t know anything about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Why? Let me explain.
My narcissistic wife (and now ex) moved out of our home 9 months ago. This was in addition to us dating back in 1999, when she abruptly left me, dating again in 2001, when she again abruptly left me, and then getting together again in 2006 and ultimately getting married in 2009. She also moved out without warning in November, 2013 only to return in late January, 2014, with the final move out occurring…
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This is also why people might want to learn to perhaps unlearn statistics... . This post is for the person who keeps asking me this question. How aware is a Narcissist of being a Narcissist ? Bottom line is - I don't know... . "Everything was empty, dead, mute, Fallen abandoned, and decayed: Inconceivably alien,... Continue Reading →
A great post about growing up and living with narcissists from an excellent blog and blogger!
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Narcissistic abuse can be in your face obvious, but more often than not it is so subtle that it is barely there, and yet it is always there 24/365. Drip, drip, drip, wearing away even the toughest of substances.
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From the outside, you are lucky to be a part of such a family. And you help to maintain this myth until you believe it too…
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but…
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On the inside you are slowly being worn away… until all that is left of you is a big Cheshire Cat grin, still pretending.
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This is a beautifully evocative insight into life with narcissists, and also a view of how to slowly emerge from it. It takes time, a gentle rebuilding after years of degradation which seemed normal and took a while to realise it wasn’t.
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Thank you for sharing!
Once while swimming laps several years ago, I was struck by this thought: That if I were to be happy, I’d be betraying my mother and sister. So long had I drunk the Koolaid that I thought this.
My sister’s narcissism was more overt, actually saying things like, “If you really cared about me, you’d know exactly what type of gift to buy me.” Or, “You’re not a loyal enough family member,” without actually defining what loyal meant.
For much of my life, I’d focused my anger onto my sister because her behavior was more obvious. She produced feelings in me of despair, fear, anger and guilt.
My mother’s scourge was so much more subtle and therefore insidious. I would even feel inclined to apologize to my sister for blocking her out as much as I did, except that I finally realized how much in collusion they were. I fear her…
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Someone recently asked me to assist them with a problem. They were concerned that a person they knew might be a narcissist, however they were also concerned that perhaps they were the one being narcissistic, and that their narcissism was seeing this person as a narcissist. They had one of those moments of wondering if... Continue Reading →
. I called this photograph which I chose for the DP photo challenge: Blur - The Shredded Man. This photo came about because I was feeding a fire with loose packaging material and noticed that there was a drawing on one of the pieces of shredded paper. My camera was close at hand and I... Continue Reading →
A very insightful, thought-provoking, and brilliant post by a wonderful blogger.
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If you’ve ever been in love with a narcissist, then you know the confusion that this kind of love can create. Narcissists turn love into a mythical, fairy tale quest – which usually involves you trying desperately to win their heart, but their heart is always just out of your reach like a carrot dangled in front of you.
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At some point you want to grab that carrot and eat it… before it turns rotten.
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But a narcissist’s love, as good as it looks on the outside sometimes, always tastes funny (and not funny-haha). This post explains why it tastes that way.
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Thank you for sharing!
The title of this post arrived in my search terms about a year ago. This query also came up for Ursula over at An Upturned Soul; she posted a excellent response that you can read here.
Frankly, I considered responding but then dropped it because I felt very ambivalent. I wondered if it was a real question or if it was in fact a narcissist who was just trolling. If real, what would I say to someone who is looking for an answer to this? I felt a little depressed every time I thought about it – there’s some poor, desperate person out there who is trying to save a marriage, an engagement, a friendship, a relationship of some sort. But Ursula encouraged me to try – to give my take on it.
This person – I’m going to call him or her “Terry,” has likely done at least a little…
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A very thought provoking post from a great blog and blogger, expressing an issue which can affect all of us, one way or another, when we’re faced with sharing ourselves, our stories, with others, especially when sharing our very personal and painful experiences.
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The question asked is one which is difficult to answer.
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Those are the best questions to ask, but the hardest ones for which to find just one answer.
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Thank you for sharing!
SO… I’ve pretty much worked through the emotional part of gearing up for my series next month. There is one final stumbling block that I really can’t get myself to address. I’m sitting here poised and ready to share my story with the world at large and I haven’t even really told my family. I’m sure at least one of my younger sisters has figured it out just because she follows me on Twitter where I post most of my private…er… well more private than the blog thoughts. I mean it’s eventually going to come to light so it’s not really an issue so much as the fact that I haven’t told my parents.
They are completely in the dark about it. Nary a clue that something so devastating has happened to their child. Of course just about everything I tell them in my life comes as a complete surprise…
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Soylent Green by rob3rtarmstrong . . Why are you reading this post? The answer to that question is not for my benefit but for yours. I would like you to take a moment to focus on yourself and your motives for reading a post about narcissists. Pause to self reflect and centre yourself on you.... Continue Reading →
Are you a self-identified ACoN - Adult Child of a Narcissist? . . If you are please consider taking this survey - Parental Communication Measure Study . . The survey is being conducted by Valerie Coles, Ph.D. and Dr. Jennifer Monahan of the University of Georgia’s Department of Communication Studies. It is open to all Adult Children... Continue Reading →
. . “You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who had ever been alive.” ―... Continue Reading →
. PLEASE NOTE - This survey has been re-opened and is available throughout the month of June 2015 for those wanting to participate in it. You can find it here - Parental Communication Measurement Study . What do you tell other people about your childhood? Do you edit it, rewrite it, make it sound normal... Continue Reading →
Please feel free to skip my blah blah and go straight to the article which inspired this post and which I highly recommend as a 'Must Read' if you've been affected by Narcissism, Narcissists, NPD, in any way. That includes if you think that you may be a narcissist, have NPD (this article will not... Continue Reading →
“Face your life, its pain, its pleasure, leave no path untaken.” ― Neil Gaiman . My mother used to tease me about a tendency I had - my attraction to what she called 'mysterious ways'. Mysterious ways = taking the path less traveled. Trekking off through briar and nettle patches when I could just stick... Continue Reading →
In celebration of this time of year, when a certain event happens which prompts a review of this and that, with trepidation I ventured into my blog archives and ended up on this piece which I wrote in 2013.
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At that time a lot had been stirred up, the past had circled around and made itself the present, and I did then what I always do (at least in the always of now) I wrote my thoughts out to see what emerged, and if it might help me to figure things out.
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It did then, in a way, and it has done now, in a way.
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Revisiting my old posts is not something I do as often as perhaps I should. I keep urging myself to tidy up my blog a bit, but I never do because I prefer to just keep going forwards, evolving this way and that. Sometimes though… a going backwards can assist with going forwards.
From the moment we are born, not our actual physical birth, but the moment our existence enters the conscious mind of others, the moment our birth mother realises that she is pregnant and our birth father realises that his sperm has created a being, people start giving us gifts.
Those gifts are a part of themselves, not a part of us, yet they become a part of us. We absorb them. Our growing self is nurtured as much by the thoughts and feelings of the world outside the womb as it is by the nutrients fed to us inside the womb by the umbilical cord.
If those gifts are positive they give us light. We feel welcome on Earth, safe, loved, wanted, good, and we look forward to being born. If those gifts are negative they give us darkness. We feel frightened, unsafe, unwanted, unloved, bad, and we dread the…
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image by Daniel Clarke . . What is the best revenge against a narcissist? This question is a search term which someone used online which brought them to my blog. Whether they found what they were looking for or not, I don’t know. And I don’t know what the best revenge against a narcissist is.... Continue Reading →
How do you react when someone disagrees with you? How do you act when you disagree with someone? What about when someone agrees with you, what reaction do you have? And when you agree with someone how do you act? . . . . Do you observe yourself? Do you watch how you react to... Continue Reading →
If Jane accuses John of being a narcissist, and Jane then tells Mark, Mindy, and Sue that John is a narcissist, and Sue (triggered by her own personal and painful experience of a romantic relationship with a narcissist from which she has yet to recover) then tells Tom that John is a narcissist, Mark (who... Continue Reading →
“Hi, I took a study and found out I am a covert narcissist. Do you think there is anything I can do about this to change or is it hopeless? You can be honest.” . . This question was asked of me by Anonymous (on tumblr). It’s not the first time someone has asked me... Continue Reading →
A year ago today, I wrote this post.
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It has since become the top post of my blog with 85,000 views.
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Would I write it again if I could travel back in time to that moment when it took shape in my mind and then flowed through my fingers onto the page?
Would I write it now the way I wrote it then?
Would I publish it publicly on my blog again?
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I don’t know…
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It has received praise, opened dialogue, inspired people to comment and share their stories in the comments – and I think quite a few people are more interested in the comments on my posts than the posts themselves with good reason, provoked thought, and it has attracted some criticism – hence the disclaimer which I added a few months ago.
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The other day I wrote a post which was sort of about regretting writing the very post which I was writing… it was a musing on the butterfly effect and related things.
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This post is definitely one which reflects that kind of effect, what led up to it and what has led away from it.
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There are times when we are compelled by something within to do something without. We do it for ourselves, occasionally it is done for others… sometimes what we do for ourselves ends up being for others too, and what we do for others ends up being for ourselves… and variations on that theme.
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I was contemplating… what would happen if due to a glitch I lost this blog and all its content, and had no way to restore it as I had not backed it up.
Would everything be lost or…?
Would I be upset or…?
How would it affect me?
How would it affect you?
Would it matter, and if so… how?
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Life is strange, humans are stranger, being a human living a life, surrounded by other humans living lives… what a strange experience!
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Thank you.
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*I’m adding a disclaimer of sorts to this post due to a few people who seem to think that I’m claiming to be an expert. When I use the word – expert – to refer to myself, I’m being sardonic towards myself. I use humour to deal with my pain. I am not an expert, I simply grew up with parents who are narcissists, who made my life a confusing hellish nightmare.
I’m sorry if I did not make it clear enough in my words, I thought I had.
This is a personal blog (by a real person and human being) where I share some of my experiences and thoughts. This is one of the ways I have chosen to sort through my own issues.
When I wrote this post I did not expect anyone to read it, posting it publicly was a challenge to myself to break through the…
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A magnificently insightful post from a very creative blog and blogger! Thank you for sharing! . Upon the welcome mat of a narcissist's world is a sign: Welcome to the Dollhouse... you can never leave. .
. . “When you accept yourself and all your flaws, you don’t particularly need to focus on self-esteem per se. You focus, instead, on being as good as possible at what you actually do. You may have a positive sense of self, but you don’t blow your sense of self-importance up out of proportion. If... Continue Reading →
I am not special. When I was a child, the message from my parents was clear: Take care of yourself. We don’t want to do it. You are not special. And so I became an adult very early in life, full of determination to be self-sufficient and self-determined. At forty-five, a disordered person took an... Continue Reading →
