What Would You Like Me to Write About?

The other day I wrote a post about how blogs are people, how what you find on a blog reflects the person behind the blog who experiences all the ups, downs, and usual merry-go-round of being a human living life. I know that's obvious but sometimes the obvious gets obscured by... by what? By all... Continue Reading →

Out of Place

. “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly;... Continue Reading →

It’s happening… Barcelona Day!

Sometimes I do posts which are representative of a milestone in my life, this is one of them. They're there for me to remind me... because I have such a scattered mind, prone to forget... my own name at times. These posts rarely make sense... but that's not unusual for my posts. I'm not going... Continue Reading →

What is Beauty? What is Ugly?

What is beauty? They (you know, those they that say things) say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder... ... and when they say that we all tend to nod as though we know exactly what they mean, but what do they mean exactly? If I see something beautiful, is it really beautiful... Continue Reading →

When Narcissists Are Joy Killers

A great post about growing up and living with narcissists from an excellent blog and blogger!
Narcissistic abuse can be in your face obvious, but more often than not it is so subtle that it is barely there, and yet it is always there 24/365. Drip, drip, drip, wearing away even the toughest of substances.
From the outside, you are lucky to be a part of such a family. And you help to maintain this myth until you believe it too…
On the inside you are slowly being worn away… until all that is left of you is a big Cheshire Cat grin, still pretending.
This is a beautifully evocative insight into life with narcissists, and also a view of how to slowly emerge from it. It takes time, a gentle rebuilding after years of degradation which seemed normal and took a while to realise it wasn’t.
Thank you for sharing!

My Own Keeper

Once while swimming laps several years ago, I was struck by this thought: That if I were to be happy, I’d be betraying my mother and sister. So long had I drunk the Koolaid that I thought this.

My sister’s narcissism was more overt, actually saying things like, “If you really cared about me, you’d know exactly what type of gift to buy me.” Or, “You’re not a loyal enough family member,” without actually defining what loyal meant.

For much of my life, I’d focused my anger onto my sister because her behavior was more obvious. She produced feelings in me of despair, fear, anger and guilt.

My mother’s scourge was so much more subtle and therefore insidious. I would even feel inclined to apologize to my sister for blocking her out as much as I did, except that I finally realized how much in collusion they were. I fear her…

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Parental Communication – A Survey for Adult Children of Narcissists – Act Now!

Are you a self-identified ACoN - Adult Child of a Narcissist? . . If you are please consider taking this survey - Parental Communication Measure Study . . The survey is being conducted by Valerie Coles, Ph.D. and Dr. Jennifer Monahan of the University of Georgia’s Department of Communication Studies. It is open to all Adult Children... Continue Reading →

A Post for The Invisible Daughter

. . “You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who had ever been alive.” ―... Continue Reading →

The story of a relationship with a narcissist: I Am Not Special by Hope

I am not special. When I was a child, the message from my parents was clear: Take care of yourself. We don’t want to do it. You are not special. And so I became an adult very early in life, full of determination to be self-sufficient and self-determined. At forty-five, a disordered person took an... Continue Reading →

The Child’s Narcissists

 I am a child of Narcissists.According to me..Sometimes listening to others,is not a good thing..Being a child of Narcissists,According to experts is not a good thing to be.According to other children of Narcissists, this is not a good thing to be.According to me this is not a good thing to be....But how did I come... Continue Reading →

Talking about Narcissists… and Woundology

  When I first started blogging about my experience of Narcissists, I was hesitant in what I said. There were many reasons for my hesitancy, all of which were part of my personal wound. The major one being that I had spent so long trapped in silence that I wasn't sure if I could speak... Continue Reading →

Don’t Look Back… okay, maybe just a little peek

At the moment I should be furious. The sort of justified fury which could lead to righteous blindness or spontaneous combustion. I could be furious... But. This sort of fury is pointless and has a tendency to lead to stupid mistakes. Mind you. The reason for the opportunity to be furious is due to a... Continue Reading →

Life, Dreams and a Doozy of a Week

When I saw this week's writing challenge on The Daily Post: Worlds Colliding about the different personas and facets of ourselves which we use to interact and deal with life, I thought - This is fun! It got my questionable creative juices flowing because it falls into my wheelhouse of observing myself and being aware... Continue Reading →

A Flash: About Anorexia

A very thoughtful, beautiful, thought-provoking post!

When we look at others, what do we see? Do we see the person’s story behind their appearance to us or do we project our own story upon the person?

A look inside… with elements of what others see when they only see the outside.

Thank you for sharing!

Feigned Affections


There is something I wish that other people understood about having an eating disorder.  I don’t actually care what you think about me.  When you see me staring in the mirror with a critical eye, it does not matter how you perceive me.  Does my mom not know that I am not stupid.  I know I am wearing the same size I wore in 1994.  I don’t.  I fill my clothing out now. I know I still look the same as I did when I was 25.  I don’t.  I look like I am in my 20s now.  The voice of anorexia, my forever friend, is far more critical than that.

I look at my body and think I look like a woman and I hate my failed attempt to control who might find me sexually attractive.  I am aware that it didn’t work in the past.  I am aware…

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Some may say I’m wishing my days away…

“Some may say I'm wishing my days away No way And if it's the price I pay Some say Tomorrow's another day You stay I may as well play” - The Police, Walking on the Moon I’ve taken quite a few steps in the past couple of years which have felt gigantic to me, and... Continue Reading →

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.” ― Robert Benchley Numbers of operas which I have seen performed live - 1. It was at the Royal Opera House in London. It was The Magic Flute. And all I can recall is there were people who were... Continue Reading →

The Ideal Lover

A quick intro and then a story about a dream lover. Do you remember the first time you dreamed about your ideal lover? Can you still picture him or her? Is that first ideal lover the same as the one you dream about today? Even if you’re warmly ensconced in a relationship with a lover,... Continue Reading →

My Mother Once Told Me…

A Victorian Family Portrait via The Independent My mother once told me… That as a child she used to imagine what being loved and loving would be like. One particular memory stood out in her mind. Not a single memory of one incident, but a memory of longing and yearning which coloured an incident which... Continue Reading →

Another Me

  “It would be very hard to think "I am over there" and "Can I go meet me?" and "Is that me better than this me?" "Can I learn from the other me?" "Has the other me made the same mistakes I've made?" Or, "Can I sit down and have a conversation with me?" Wouldn't... Continue Reading →

Covert Oops – codename: She Who Laughs First

She who laughs first turns embarrassment into a shared moment of fun, of ice-breaking joviality, of another fight won against perfectionism, of loosening the noose of seriousness, of just plain being human appreciation. I’ll admit I look rather sinister in that photo, but a funny kind of sinister. I have a twisted sense of humour... Continue Reading →

Swimming, Crawling, Walking, Talking

Photo by Cheri Lucas Rowlands via The Daily Post   Before I learned to do anything else, except eating, drinking and sleeping, I learned to swim. I was a lucky baby. My parents had a house with a pool. It was a big curvaceous pool, with tiny shimmering mosaic tiles of varying shades of blue,... Continue Reading →

Saint and Sinner

Maria Rubinke sculpture via High Fructose Magazine When you meet someone new, a breath of fresh air blows into your life. A dance ensues, where you get to know them, and they get to know you. At first it is a festival of likes, and it continues that way for a while, but then the... Continue Reading →

The Story of Snow Doll

When I was a child my mother used to tell me Japanese folklore stories. Her favourite story was - O Tsuru no Ongaeshi - The Grateful Crane. There are two versions of it, one with a young man and one with an old couple. I was told the latter version. It is the tale of... Continue Reading →

A Mercury Retrograde Cocktail of Confusion

Mercury is about to go retrograde. Which means it looks like it’s going backwards but it’s not actually going backwards but it is for astrology. It’s an optical illusion of the mind. Before it goes retrograde it goes through a period of about a week of passing through a shadow phase where misunderstandings, miscommunications, and... Continue Reading →

Guidelines For Commenting on my Blog Posts

The other day I deleted a comment from a regular commenter. This commenter is usually respectful, insightful and gives good comment. I do not have a problem with them, I had a problem with that particular comment and the context of it. First it was directed at another commenter, and I am protective of those... Continue Reading →

Who is the Narcissist? – This is a rant

. I get very passionate about certain things and the passion takes over. One of the things which sets my passion off is when victims of Narcissists victimise other victims of Narcissists not intentionally but through misunderstanding. Which in some ways makes it worse. It’s that road to hell paved with good intentions. If I... Continue Reading →

The Cigarette Break – Day Two – Looking Backwards to Go Forwards

Scale of Life by visio-art (Aleksei Kostjuk) It’s one of those days when the weather is unsure of itself. Is it overcast with a chance of rain or overcast with a chance of Sun? Yet again the weather reflects how I feel or vice versa. I am partially unsure of my mood, overall there is... Continue Reading →

The Cigarette Break – Day One – Thoughts on How I Suck at Relationships with Females

It’s raining today. Cold, wet, misty. The weather reflects my mood, or maybe it’s the other way around. I am melancholic. It feels like a Moon day. A heavy sigh fills me as I realise once again that I suck at relationships with females. The other day in a comment on my blog I mentioned... Continue Reading →

The Absent Father and The Devouring Mother

The title of this post comes from the first two chapters of the book - Going Mad to Stay Sane: The Psychology of Self-Destructive Behaviour by Andy White , and the author has a blog - Andy White – Narcissism and The Fruits of Suffering. It is one of my favourite books as it explained... Continue Reading →

If you look for Perfection, you’ll never be Content

“If you look for perfection, you'll never be content.” ― Leo Tolstoy The Daily Post is whispering in my ear again asking me this time to - Tell us about a time when everything actually turned out exactly as you’d hoped - and - show us - PERFECT - in CAPS... what's all the shouting... Continue Reading →

Are You Being Stalked by a Celebrity?

Mesmerise Draw-Along by pbird12   I know this is going to sound completely crazy, but…. I think celebrities stalk us far more than we stalk them. Have you ever tried to avoid a film star when they were on a publicity blitz for their latest film? Everywhere you look, there they are begging your for... Continue Reading →

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