“Charisma is the numinous aura around a… …personality. It flows outward from a simplicity or unity of being and a composure and controlled vitality. There is gracious accommodation, yet commanding impersonality. Charisma is the radiance produced by the interaction of male and female elements in a gifted personality. The charismatic woman has a masculine force and severity. The charismatic man has an entrancing female beauty. Both are hot and cold, glowing with presexual self love.” ― Camille Paglia (please note – I removed one word from this quote because of what that word conjures up these days in people’s minds – scroll to the end of this post for the complete quote).
This post is inspired by Don Charisma and his post – Do Women like Charisma? – wherein he asked his readers to interpret the question however they pleased and reply in whatever way the chose… yet be respectful while doing so.
Do Women like Charisma?
When I saw the question my instant reply was – Doesn’t everyone like charisma, regardless of whether they are male or female. In fact charisma is one of those kinds of magic which transcends gender. A charismatic man or woman will charm both males and females equally, although perhaps a little differently.
But then I noticed that the word Charisma had a capital ‘C’ and the question became a flirtatious invitation from a male blogger to his female readers to let him know whether they find him charming, whether they like him. The post itself is charisma personified. It was charming, with a dash of confidence like a wide and warm smile, a pinch of humour like a cheeky wink, a hint of danger, alluring yet non-threatening, like a mesmerising eyes which sparkle with friendliness.
So, do women like Don Charisma?
Check out his post and read the comments. Beware he is very charismatic and knows how to use it and you will enjoy it. His charisma is white magic.
Do women like charisma – the special magnetic appeal, charm, power of an individual?
Yes. So do men.
But why do we like charisma?
The white magic side of charisma is our favourite kind. Because it makes us feel good, transported out of the ordinary into a moment of fantasy.
More than that… charisma is a noun which works like a verb, it is a doing word, an action which requires audience participation.
Someone who is charismatic is expressing themselves outside of themselves, their magic is all around them, they share it generously, and when we enter their aura, when they enter our conscious awareness, they draw us in with a warm embrace and ask us to play with them, to play a wonderful game where we become as charismatic as they are. We feel uplifted and beautiful.
Marilyn Monroe described how charisma worked in a very clear way. The story was related by a friend of hers who was walking along a busy street with MM one day and was surprised that no one noticed that a celebrity of iconic status was amongst them. The friend asked MM why this was so, and MM replied by saying that people only noticed her when she turned “Marilyn’ on. The friend of course needed proof, so MM obliged. She turned Marilyn Monroe ‘on’ and the friend said it was as though a spotlight switched on and focused the light on MM. Suddenly the people in the street who had been oblivious to her presence saw her and flocked around her in awe that she was there, having magically appeared like a genii emerging from a bottle offering them the chance to have their three wishes granted.
Why was Marilyn Monroe so captivating and enchanting? Partly because she embraced us in smiles, in fantasy, and invited us to play with her, and we did and still do. By admiring her, we feel admired, it may be subtle but it’s there. She makes us feel as special as she was, perhaps even more so because for a moment she sees us and only us. A private audience, a sublime secret shared.
Marilyn Monroe (If you know which photographer took this photo, could you please let me know in the comments)
As I was writing this the telephone rang. When I answered, a voice – which it took me a few seconds to decide whether it was a robot or human voice – told me that they were calling about my internet connection and computer, then added – how are you today?
I did not answer the question, it was thrown in as a distraction tactic and an afterthought, asked as though someone was following a set of instructions on a piece of paper in front of them and doing it rather badly because I knew immediately that they did not give a damn how I was or about me at all. I was a thing to them and not a nice thing. They wanted something from this thing, and they hated the thing for having that kind of power over them.
Instead I asked them to be more precise with regards to what the call was about – internet connection and computer was too vague and made me suspicious… made me more suspicious.
They did not answer my question but told me that they wanted to talk to the person in charge of the internet connection and computer. Like an alien demanding to be taken to my leader. What makes you think I’m not the leader? If I am you’ve just insulted me, and everything you have to say after that will be treated with the same contempt which you have for me. You started this mess you’re making and I’m going to tidy it up for you, am I?
At this point this person met the brick wall that is – you’re calling me, I’m in charge of the conversation not you so don’t tell me what to do. Tell me exactly who you are and precisely why you are calling.
If a complete stranger knocks at your door, and you decide to open it… are you just going to invite them in and let them take over your home?
I asked them again what the call was about and I added – Is this a sales call? As I was just finishing off the ‘L’ sound of ‘call’ I heard the phone go dead in my ear. The caller had abruptly hung up. Confirming what I thought when I first heard their voice – it was a cold call.
Cold calls lack charisma and that is partly why we hate them. If cold callers were charming we might play along just for fun, we might even fall under their spell, fall for their con, give them all our personal details and buy whatever they are selling. However they are usually bossy, rude and trying to gain control and authority over us in a completely uncharismatic manner which comes across as offensive. They also give us the distinct impression that they hate us, we’re an enemy, an inferior, that needs defeating by their superiority.
The people who coach cold callers seem to have no concept of how to win friends and influence people… at least not influence them in a positive way. Almost the second we know that the call we have just halted our lives to answer is a cold sales call, every atom in our being gets annoyed, and their superior and abrasive attitude of being completely oblivious to the fact that they’ve intruded and trespassed into our lives, that we should be grateful they’ve called us and do what they want, listen to their monologue like a good little inferior idiot puts us on the very aggressive defensive.
Do they not realise that a telephone call requires two people to participate in it, and that the chain of command is – the one who is being called is in charge and the one calling is required to give respect? Hello!?!
“Charisma is the numinous aura around a narcissistic personality. It flows outward from a simplicity or unity of being and a composure and controlled vitality. There is gracious accommodation, yet commanding impersonality. Charisma is the radiance produced by the interaction of male and female elements in a gifted personality. The charismatic woman has a masculine force and severity. The charismatic man has an entrancing female beauty. Both are hot and cold, glowing with presexual self love.” ― Camille Paglia
Why are people attracted to narcissists? Because they are very charismatic… when you first meet them. They make you feel seen, special, and they suck you into a world of fantasy where you have a starring role… you are the star, the hero or heroin, the most beautiful, amazing, inspiring being in the whole universe.
But charisma has an off switch.
CHARM IS MAgic, but what kind of magic is it…
Is it white magic or black magic?
Depends on the person wielding the magic of charisma… and the person upon whom the spell is being cast. It’s an energy which flows both ways.