Who do you want to be when you grow up… and when exactly will you be a grown up? What to you is the essential ingredient which makes someone a grown up as opposed to a child in an adult body masquerading as a grown up?
What’s your public persona… and do others see you as you want to be seen?
What’s your favourite label to give to yourself, the one which is important to you which you want others to notice… and what is the label which others give to you? Do you like the label others give you or is it completely wrong for you… does it bother you and do you work at trying to set others straight about it?
What is your social status or status on social media… and did you carefully craft it or let it craft itself?
What image do you use to represent yourself in public? Is it the same image you use in all your social interactions or do you have several different skins you wear… and are you okay with others seeing all your skins or do you hope that those who know one don’t find out about the others?
What makes you stand out from the crowd? Is what makes you stand out the same as what you want to be the thing which makes you stand out from the crowd?
Do you want to be seen as powerful, to be respected, a fearsome force of nature, an authority, a pioneer, a trailblazer, a maverick, the whistleblower, an insider or outsider, a good person, a hero, a saviour, a villain, a criminal mastermind, a spy, an astronaut, a natural, a great beauty, a very special person, a wonderful mother, Mother Theresa, Mother Earth, a proud father, Father Christmas, Zeus, Batman, Lara Croft, Laat Dovahkiin, a pirate, a private eye, the first woman to rule the world, the last man standing, a funny guy, a hail fellow well met, a pied piper, a best-selling author, Oscar winner, the queen or king of pop…
All that and more could be yours… or not…
In astrology clues to how things will play out for you in the game of climb the social status ladder can be seen in the 10th house of your chart.
excerpt from The Twelve Houses by Howard Sasportas
(for more of this chapter go to page 40 on this Scribd file)
In my regular chart, the one with just the regular planets, my 10th house is empty with Gemini on the cusp, and looks like a tipsy bowl.
If I add aspects ‘to all objects’ when using the chart generator in the Extended Chart Selection on Astrodienst, my Midheaven suddenly looks like a lightning rod sticking out of a slightly wonky roof.
If I add ‘hypothetical’ points, meaning Lilith… all the different Liliths… then my 10th house gets a bit crowded and my chart looks like the result of me playing with Spirograph and getting bored halfway through a design.
So how would I read my Midheaven (MC) and 10th house?
How would an astrologer read it?
I’ve had my chart read only a couple of times by astrologers (if I don’t count a computer generated one). To be fair (my Jupiter in Libra is always trying to be fair) to those astrologers I got the time of my birth completely wrong (typical of Neptune in the 3rd or is it Mercury in Aquarius) and your birth time is essential for generating a natal chart (and working with transits), without it or with the wrong time you’ll get a wrong reading… even though most of your planets will still be in the same sign, where and how they’ll express themselves will be vague (or more vague than usual since astrological interpretations are generalised for everyone who has it and that’s a lot of people).
I haven’t bothered getting another reading from an astrologer since I finally realised my time of birth was incorrect. Why? Mainly because the readings I did get (even being fair to the astrologers because of my mistake) left me with a bad taste in my mouth like I’d just eaten something which looked good on the outside but on the inside it was a bit stale. Both astrologers were really lovely people who welcomed me into their homes from which they worked, and took time to personalise their reading, cater to what I wanted my chart to tell me (I didn’t help matters by not wanting my chart to tell me what I wanted but wanting to know what they saw without my input). I found them through their published writings – one had a regular column in a New Age magazine which I enjoyed reading because it was blunt (which my Mars in Scorpio finds attractive) and quirky, the other was a well-known published author and co-author of an astrology book which I really liked at the time as it offered something new and different (appealing to my 9th house going down a mysterious way and my Uranus trine Mercury seeking the unusual).
They say you should never meet your heroes… while these astrologers were not exactly heroes to me, the dynamic was similar and a bubble or two of an ideal got popped. If I were to get a reading today I’d still choose an astrologer whose work I enjoy and admire, and I’d rather keep reading their work, being inspired, informed by it and not have that bubble popped… even though getting my bubbles popped does seem to be a regular occurrence, one which is often connected to matters of the 10th house (perhaps due to Neptune opposing my MC).
Edward Gorey – Gemini/Lilith 10th house
I often end up popping other people’s bubbles about me. It’s not always a conscious act as that kind of thing happens in life for all of us one way or another, especially as you get to know a person better, dig a little deeper, investigate beyond the tip of the iceberg which shows above the surface. However I sometimes do it very deliberately particularly if someone is perceiving me in a rather skewed manner – which leans too heavily towards the positive.
Why on earth would I try to stop someone from putting me on a pedestal and paint a halo and angels wings on me? Because at some point the paint will run and the angel will fall off the pedestal… onto the person who put them there.
And I have a whole load of Lilith in the 10th house (one of which squares my Pluto in the 1st house – self, and my Pluto trines my Sun in the 5th – ego. One astrologer described a recent transit trine between Sun in Virgo and Pluto in Capricorn as – The Art of Living Dangerously – my Pluto and Sun are in those signs, although flipped).
Trying to find information on Lilith can be both easy and difficult as different astrologers use a different Lilith, and the choice of which one they use seems to be one of personal preference, so getting information can be a bit confusing but interesting all the same. One thing they all seem to agree upon about Lilith is that she’s a controversial character. Lilith in the 10th house is…
not dissimilar to having Gemini on the MC/10th House cusp. Gemini is also prone to being a shape-shifter and in the 10th this can mean that your career and social status is constantly in flux – a Jack of all trades and master of none (except shifting perhaps). Although Gemini is a little less lord of darkness about it and more social butterfly. The shape-shifting thing also ties in with the Mutable sign theme I have going on on the main angles of my natal chart (ASC Virgo, IC Sagittarius, DSC Pisces, MC hammer Gemini). And my Dominant planet is the mercurial Mercury which rules Gemini and Virgo (it can’t even pick one sign to rule).
My career path has been a zig-zag, bridges burned along the way, roads requiring detours due to rockfalls or construction work. Sometimes I’m the destructive force causing a mess for myself (and others, although I do try to avoid harming anyone but myself – Venus in Pisces), and sometimes it is others doing the detonating (I used to work for my father and… he taught me all about how to be self-destructive in 5 easy steps).
My shape-shifting can be seen in my online history (not my browser history… although that too, but I delete it regularly, not to hide anything but because I have to regularly delete stuff – which can include tidying by throwing things no longer needed out – to keep my self-destructive side under control so it won’t cause some greater catastrophe). I first started blogging during a calm and surprisingly happy free from sturm and drang period of my life, I started in typical Gemini fashion – my partner gave me a Facebook and Twitter for Xmas, then my niece said I should get a tumblr because I liked posting pics of paintings with quotes underneath on my FB, my tumblr was such fun that I started a WordPress…
Then my Lilith kicked in… or was it Pluto… or more likely Uranus who had one of its ‘I’m trapped’ moments and rattled the bars of its cage while screaming (screaming most likely was due to Mars in Scorpio in the 3rd house of communication) until they shattered in its hands.
I deleted everything, all my social media accounts and crawled into the cave of the underworld (which is my safe place when everything gets too much for me).
I regretted doing that, totally my bad, and did apologise to those who were affected by it, and have made some amends by not doing that kind of shit again (no matter how strong the urge is sometimes) once I created new accounts.
Paarthurnax is a dragon from Skyrim – this quote is one of many philosophical challenges he poses. At one point as a player in this game you’re given a quest to kill him – the choice is up to you. The person who gives you the quest is an intransigent dragon-hater who doesn’t give a damn that without Paarthurnax’s help the villain of the story could not be defeated. Frankly at this point I’m not so sure that the villain of this story is the real villain.
This has nothing to do with astrology, however the choices you make in a game, how you play when there aren’t any ‘real life’ consequences, can reveal matters about you pertaining to the 10th house.
One of the things which caused me to destroy my previous creations (5th house – Pluto destroying the creations of the Sun/ego), particularly the blogs, was that they only allowed for certain facets of me to be expressed. Which was fine as long as I was in the frame of mind and mood which went with expressing those sides of me. But when things got darker for me my dark side had nowhere to go and a nowhere-to-go dark side is far more worrying than a somewhere-to-go one. So when creating my new online creations I at first focused on finding an outlet for the dark side – hence the name of my tumblr, Damaged and Dangerous (taken from a quote about life and dealing with the dark side of it). An Upturned Soul came awhile after the tumblr, and its name reflects a more balanced need for self-expression – a place where all of me can share itself when it needs or wants to.
The reason I’ve written so much about narcissists on here… that wasn’t my plan, I didn’t and still don’t have a plan for my blog, it is what it is at any given time, reflecting who I am at any given time and what my life is at that any given time. I wrote about narcissists because life events brought that into focus for me – it was time to face the past and unravel that knot for myself. I shared my process online because it gave it shape in a manner which I needed to do what I had to do. I got a bit carried away when ‘writing about narcissists’ became my ‘status’ and could have also become a ‘career’ of sorts had I chosen to pursue that course like other people who blog about narcissists, who now sell systems to help others cope with narcissists, heal themselves from narc abuse, buy my book, etc. I didn’t go down that road because… I just didn’t. I never go down the traveled road, I’ve tried, it doesn’t work for me… I tend to blow the road up at some point, take a detour through a hedge growing on the side of it not realising there’s a ravine there.
It’s actually rather apt that I write about narcissists on my blog. Gemini on the cusp of the 10th would probably have an astrologer tell me that I should find a career in communication, perhaps become a writer. Lilith in the 10th… narcissists are the shape-shifters of the personality disorder world, their goal is to be loved, admired, by one and all, but they often end up being hated and reviled by one and all. They want to be your hero, and shape-shift into whoever your hero is… but at some point they become the villain, which for some narcissists is an acceptable option as long as they’re your favourite villain, the one everyone loves to hate, and you’re obsessed with them, even if you’re trying to destroy them.
Lou Ferrigno who played The Incredible Hulk in the TV series has Gemini/Lilith 10th house – a perfect role for that astro!
One of the things you will find in my posts about narcissists is a tendency not to tell you whether I am a narcissist myself or not. I do this because:
1 – If I was a narcissist I most likely would not think that I am one, while thinking everyone else is one… unless I was a cerebral narcissist who had researched the subject rather keenly and had found out that most people think that one of the signs which definitely confirms that you’re not a narcissist is that you’re open to the possibility that you may be a narcissist. Well then… I’d probably do the whole – oh, noes, I could be a narcissist, what do you think, dear public, am I the real narcissist even though I’ve spent so much energy proving that everyone but me is one, are all my crazy exes not crazy at all, am I the crazy one, please tell me I’m not, I’ll love you more if you tell me I’m not.
2 – I like to play Devil’s Advocate. If you’re reading my posts about narcissists chances are you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, maybe you’re still in a relationship with a narcissist, and the most important thing for you right now is not for me to tell you what to think, feel, etc, what you need is to exercise those thinking for yourself and learning to trust yourself to think for yourself and think things through muscles. My posts will make your work on those thinking muscles and you may hate me for it or not.
3 – I’m used to being the villain or the hero – both roles have a fixed price when they’re assigned to you. My parents often gave me the villain role so they could have the hero role, and they regularly portrayed me as a baddie to total strangers to get sympathy. Oh, help me, dear person, my child is a brat, I’m afraid of her, I’m so good to her and yet she is so mean to me, please go and fight that dragon for me (just don’t get to know her, don’t think for yourself let me do the thinking for you, or you might get things wrong – she’s the baddie, I’m the goodie, mmmkay!). Sometimes I got to be the goodie, but that usually meant I was being primed to fight a dragon for one of my parents. Or being used to get someone else to fight a dragon – look, the poor child is in danger, save it… I mean her.
Spin that wheel of fortune of who you’re going to be today according to other people, let’s see where it lands… because who you really are, well, it depends on much more than just you and your I am who I am.
Jean-Jacques Rousseau – Lilith/Gemini 10th house
From behind the scenes I’ve watched narcissists carefully craft their public persona (10th house), working hard to make sure it was the best that it could be, hoping it would reward them for all the work they put into how they looked, seemed, appeared to others, the public, their audience. Their status is something they shed blood (usually of others), sweat (of their minions), and tears (of those deceived) over. They expect a big prize for it… and sometimes get it because they’re good at what they do, instinctively, their survival depends on it.
It’s exhausting and stressful to watch… so doing it must require huge amounts of energy and stamina. Have you ever tried to control someone else’s opinion of you… even for a moment. Try doing that with everyone you meet, anyone who sees you, or even hears about you, everyone in general… the world at large must all think what you need and want them to think about you!!! I’m tired just writing about it…
They build magnificent castles in the sky made of the finest crystal grains… it’s so beautiful, look how it shines in the sun, it’s blinding… did someone sneeze!?! WTF… poof! That’s a pretty pile of sand you have there…
So… I’d rather leave that sort of thing to people who are less lazy than I am. I don’t have that kind of ambition or dedication to public persona or anything else really (not totally true, tell me that there’s buried treasure in that sand pile and I’ll still be digging long after all the other treasure seekers have quit in frustration or died from tiny crystal particle inhalation syndrome… but only if the treasure is a missing piece of a puzzle. Otherwise my treasure will be a cup of that sand which is oh so sparkly like diamonds!).
Jacques Tati – Gemini/Lilith 10th house
This astrology series I’m doing… I’m digging for something. If I find it, and you’re still around when I do… perhaps I’ll share it, but you might not see it as a treasure the way that I do.
In the meantime…
Thank you very much for reading, I don’t know how you’ve done it or made it this far… you’re quite a force of human nature to be reckoned with!