What type of people are you most attracted to now?

the moving finger - omar khayyam

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Change is a natural part of life.

Sometimes it is for the better, sometimes for the worse, sometimes its ambiguous and we’re not really sure whether it’s good or bad or neutral.

It just happens and that’s that.

We may try to fight it, or we may try to force it…

I’ve been trying to force a change on myself recently. I know I shouldn’t do this because I know myself well, and when I try to force myself to do anything, which I often do, I fight it tooth and nail, I always do.

Some things never change…

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Consumed by MoonVooDooBurning up in my own fire… phoenix or tin soldier?

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The change I’ve been trying to enforce is one that needs to happen, however, it’s not ready to happen just yet and I need to be patient with myself and respect the natural flow… I’m just really bored of waiting, and my boredom is of the reactive type, which is restless, hates to feel trapped, and can be quite destructive in its attempts to break free from the old ways.

The mind doesn’t always respect the heart or body or anything else… it sometimes sees itself as king, omnipotent ruler of self, and can be a tyrannical dictator who is willing to kill everything to get what it wants.

Someone recently said to me in a comment – If you think you’re smart, then you are smart – because we become what we think… Go on then … jump off that roof because your think you can fly therefore you can indeed fly. Let me know what happens. I’ve broken every bone in my thinking body doing that… perhaps I was doing the magical thinking thing wrong.

I do things wrong all the time…

I’m one of those people who can be stubborn and determined, who is not afraid of going through hell (even though I’d rather not, scream all the way, beg myself to take the easier path…) and will persevere relentlessly even if I have to drag myself by my hair over hot coals. I have masochistic tendencies and can be sadistic with myself. I’m tough (even when I think I’m not and feel as though my backbone left this body a long time ago).

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Alonely by MoonVooDooOh… dear… stop it… don’t let anyone see you like this…

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But…

Although I happen to be the kind of Marathon runner who will keep going with shredded feet, ignoring the slick caused by bursting blisters, who will refuse to admit that I’ve crossed my pain threshold, that my bladder is bursting, my heart has exhausted its beats, and my engine is running on fumes of fumes of fumes…

I have a strange knack for snatching defeat out of the jaws of victory… the moment I see the finish line, a brain anomaly occurs. I forget all the effort it took to get to this point and somehow think it’s all been too easy and… gee, let me see how I can completely eff this up for myself.

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presenttense_by_moonvoodoo-d5v17qfHere I am considering options to mess things up for myself…

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My fear of succeeding when for some reason I don’t think I deserve it encourages me to fail. Somehow success is a failure to me… if I think it came easily, even when it didn’t.

So, I turn around and start running the race backwards, passing all those people who thought I was going to win and… haha, don’t they look confused! I wonder how many will think they’re going in the wrong direction? But if anyone turns around and tries to follow my example I’ll get cross with them. Seriously!?! Don’t follow me, I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m just doing it because that’s what I do… I always go in the wrong direction!

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not the same person I was - Scottie Waves

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However, over the course of the last few years… I’ve made some significant changes to the way that I do things. It’s broken my old patterns in a manner that I’ve never been able to do before no matter how hard I tried to do so.

Blogging has helped me do that as sharing my twisted, crazy, messed up self has forced me to change… and I haven’t fought it as much as I usually do. The moment I embraced Social Media… I entered a race that altered my course.

Do you know why?

It’s because of you.

Frankly… I was not attracted to your type. Not before. But now… definitely!

Do you know what your type is – it’s the type which actually accepts me as I am, and surprisingly quite likes me for just being me. Shit, you’re always telling me how much you appreciate what I do… that’s really annoying and confusing of you. I just can’t get used to it, to you liking me. It throws me out of whack.

I’m a mess… you like this mess.

Thank you.

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the person I've become - Kaci DianeYou’ve helped me to do this…

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Before I met you… I’d never met anyone like you, or at least I’d never allowed myself the prolongued pleasure of your company and its positive effect on me.

[ Apart from my partner, whom I met during a moment of me being me live and unplugged, unedited and uncensored, and for a short period of time to I was able to recognise a person who was really and truly good for me. And thanks to his intervention (and my actually letting him have a positive influence on me)… I was able to meet you.]

Before you…

The types I was usually attracted to were people who thought I was an idiot, a valuable and useful one who could be treated like they weren’t as valuable and useful as they were. I was there to be mined for gold… take what you need then pretend you didn’t take anything from me, you had it all along. Steal my shit and pretend it’s yours. Make yourself the source and don’t credit me for my part in it. Me… who am I? I’m a nothing from which you take everything then discard me once that’s done.

I was also viewed as someone who could be molded into who they needed me to be for them… I’m putty, a puppet.

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12thhousemoon_by_moonvoodoo-d5xbzdiAre those hands mine or yours…

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I’m not an idiot (although sometimes I am…), I just felt safer being around people who thought I was. It was familiar territory and it came with advantages that suck, but… comfort zones often suck.

They couldn’t really mold me into who they wanted me to be for them… this is what pisses them off about me – I misled them, what a frigging awful villain I am! Look at this putty who refuses to be shaped, this puppet who cuts the strings! What a stupid bitch!

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hero:villain - damien carrionOr something like that…

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I’ve never really been attracted to narcissists. Not consciously. My conscious attraction is very different from my unconscious one. Consciously I’m looking for the exact opposite… I crave to be around those with personal integrity, who are authentic, who accept themselves and accept others, who are focused on the gritty positive, on visceral sharing, who are open-minded, willing to face the complexity of being human, who live and let live…

So… WTF, Unconscious Self… WTF!?!

I find narcissists to be the most irritating people on Earth, and I usually identify them based on how irrationally angry I get when I’m with them, exposed to their endless BS. When I get an intensely strong urge to smash someone’s face and skull in, repeatedly with ever-increasingly large blunt objects, and the idea delights me, gives me a rush of blood and gore lust… I know I’m in the presence of a narcissist.

When I want to destroy them, the way I wanted to destroy my parents… but never could because I’m not that kind of destructive (I will destroy myself before I destroy anyone else)… I know I’m repeating a pattern of relationship which bums me out.

Why can’t I change… break free from this dreary and depressing spiral of infinite trapped boredom with bullshit?

Well, the long and painful short of it is – learn the frigging lesson this repetitive lesson is teaching you!

Which is what exactly? If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em!?! No, thank you!!!

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its-not-about-narcissism-its-about-meStop focusing on the narcissist… focus on yourself. What has the narcissist taught you about yourself?

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The lesson is much simpler than what we think it is… which is why it is so complicated to learn. We need to navigate the labyrinth that is our minds, our unconscious and subconscious variations which our conscious doesn’t really understand.

But… thanks to you… I’m finally learning it in a way that has effectuated a most amazing change in me.

I’m still making mistakes with this, and probably always will, but… you’re okay with that and… that… is the diamond in the rough slowly learning how to smooth its surfaces to a shine which glints in the light.

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DoYouSeeWhatISee by MoonVooDooAm I allowed to have a moment when I think I’m beautiful… or should I be ashamed of that… the smile is uncertain…

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Yesterday I had to make one of the most galling decisions of my life in recent times. I had to cede victory to my nemesis, a nemesis I had hoped to vanquish just once… OMG just once in my life could I just have a total win over this person!!??!!… but no… not this time, perhaps not ever…

However, this time granting them a win is actually a win for me, even if I’m still in pain from it…

If I stuck to the position I was in before I made the decision, which refused to give them a win because… eff U you frigging a-hole who has effed up my life from day one and before that…

If I refused to change my mind… as delicious as that seemed… it would actually ruin my future, and my future is looking quite good, but I could make it a bad place by not changing my mind.

That change might actually, for once, allow me to cross a finish line… as tempted as I am to run away from it, go backwards.

Power is… flexible and tricky to handle, especially when it wants to be inflexible and easy to handle.

If I seem changed to you… in comments, in posts… over the next few days, weeks, whatever… it’s because I am… in the middle of a change.

A significant one.

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one day I changed - curianoThat one day… was caused by an accumulation of days… but it felt like one day because that’s how time feels sometimes…

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You’ve helped me to be more me… less not me…

You’ve shown me how to be attracted to those who are really attractive to me…

I hope that makes sense.

Keep being who you are…

Your personal integrity and authenticity keeps me real too… and shows me… unconsciously, subconsciously and consciously… that being who we are out loud is beautiful and infinitely attractive.

That’s what I’m attracted to now… that’s who attracts me – you… being you!

You being you as you are…

Me being me as I am…

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36 thoughts on “What type of people are you most attracted to now?

  1. Are you allowed to think of yourself as beautiful? YES! You ARE beautiful, in so, so many ways. Enjoy it and lap it up. You deserve it. ๐Ÿ™‚

    As I read through the comments, I saw that you had to lose a battle to win the war. This is so true with narcissists. I had to do the same and it seems to be a pretty common acknowledgement from others who have had to deal with Ns. In my case, I just wanted my little life back, and I was willing to pay to get it back (old story – you don’t know what you have till it’s gone). I felt I’d won the war, even though I was aware that my ex-N was bragging about how he had “nearly bankrupted” me. I still get blown away by that sometimes. Why would anyone brag about something like that? Trumpeting such a crappy characteristic? (Actually, I do know why, but it still hits me sometimes.) And, compared to the death threats that came later, I suppose bankruptcy is just a gnat.

    Anyway, this will be over at some point for you. It’s hard, though, when the alligators are chewing on your butt, to remember what you’re in the swamp for in the first place. ๐Ÿ™‚

    And, I LOVE your photos. ๐Ÿ™‚

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    1. Thank you very much ๐Ÿ™‚

      Have you ever noticed how many people don’t allow themselves to be beautiful. And how quick people are to get annoyed with those who do. And how annoyed we get when someone who we think is beautiful says they are not. It’s a complex issue which many people share.

      I remember several incidents when I was a child, where I made the mistake of thinking I was beautiful around people who couldn’t allow this to happen, so I got into the habit of not allowing myself to be beautiful, but I get annoyed when other people don’t allow themselves to be beautiful. I’m trying to pay attention to my own hypocrisy as it’s a useful pointer at self of what the self needs to sort out.

      I also got into the habit of letting others win battles. They seemed to need the win more than I did, they seemed to have more to lose if they lost, and I realised that with those kind of people a win for me usually turned out to be a greater loss than losing because they were very bad losers who could never accept defeat, so I came to see a loss for me as an inverted win, so much so that I became phobic about an overt win. I’ve been trying to kick some bad habits, and I had hoped this particular scenario would be one wherein I was able to do that as it was with one of the people who set me off on this habit, but there’s a reason for getting into a habit in the first place, and sometimes it’s not one which should be completely kicked out of our lives.

      N’s tend to do what is socially considered to be the thing to do to be viewed as a ‘winner’. Everything they say and do is about ‘status’ confirmation. Society loves heroes, and popular culture loves for a hero to defeat a villain. N’s always see themselves as the hero battling villains. They need everyone to know they’re the hero and that others are the villain. They can’t have people not knowing because their identity needs other people to make their fantasy real, support it, confirm their status for them. They need to make sure that others applaud and admire their heroics, so they brag about defeating their villains, that way everyone will know what a great hero they are, and so will they. They want to be legendary, so their stories are always extreme. If you in any way upset their story, especially if you try to be the hero when they need for you to be a villain, they get very vindictive. They’re the villain who rewrites history to make themselves out to be the hero.

      The alligator/swamp analogy… that one is going to entertain my mind for hours ๐Ÿ˜‰

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      1. I have noticed and I agree that it’s complex. I’ve decided to allow myself to trust myself on it, though. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, whether it’s outward or inward, and I don’t need a group of others to validate my opinion. ๐Ÿ™‚ Perhaps that will lead to more acceptance on my part of my beautiful parts – I still hesitate about that part. ๐Ÿ™‚

        It’s amazing the habits we can get into, and yes, they are usually there for a reason. I also tend to withdraw and let others win. As you say, they seem to need it more, and frankly, I often just find it tiresome. It’s interesting that you became phobic about an overt win. With our exposure to the braggart N, any kind of overt win is also going to remind us of that crappy behaviour, and not something we want to emulate.

        It’s so true that they have to be viewed as winners and heroes all the time. “Hey, hey look at me! Fabulous, fabulous, as can be!”

        Glad I could provide you with a little swamy diversion. ๐Ÿ™‚

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        1. Glad to hear you’re allowing yourself to see your own beauty ๐Ÿ˜€

          It’s ridiculous how hard we can be on ourselves. Blogging helps with that I find in many ways, the online world lets us all express ourselves more freely, and creatively. There is so much beauty on the internet, which is sometimes hard to see in RL because most of us wear our RL protection suits, whereas online we reveal what’s inside of us.

          And people online are so generous. I think the same anonymity and distance which gives some people the ability to be rude online, gives others the ability to express their appreciation.

          It’s strange how telling someone you think they’re beautiful can be difficult sometimes in RL but online it’s so easy to do. I suppose it’s because in RL you can’t just say it in a comment then run away before the person you’ve complimented reacts. I mean you could do that but… it might creep the other person out, whereas it’s perfectly fine online. You can say how you really feel, and the other person can hear it without any of that awkwardness that happens in RL.

          And you can take your time to let a compliment sink in, see it in writing rather than just hear it and wonder if they said something else. It’s there for you if you want to accept it. ๐Ÿ™‚

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        1. I wasn’t worrying until you said ‘No Worries’ ๐Ÿ˜‰

          Thank you OM for your visit, I thought I was safely under your radar – you surprised me… while I was in the shower, first shower I’ve had in months, washing off all my dirt insulation, sorry about dropping my towel when I answered your knock at the door, I know it’s traumatic, but if anyone can get over it, it is you!

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh and I love answering your questions, they always get me to some places inside of myself ๐Ÿ™‚ right now I am attracted to a guy that is not my type at all, reformed bad boy full on health, exercising, living passionate compassionate life… a lot better than all the narc from the past heh ๐Ÿ˜‰ LOT OF LOVE TO YOU !!! โค โค โค

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    1. Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

      My mind is always full of questions, sometimes they’re just there to take us on a journey inwards, and answering them isn’t about finding a definite answer, it’s about the adventure within where we discover more about ourselves, get to know ourselves better… which helps us to get to know others better.

      Sometimes it’s really good to be attracted to not your usual type… a new land to explore, who knows what you’ll find there โค

      Best wishes ๐Ÿ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow !!! So beautiful ! So genuine ! You deserve Love, LOVE ! Not like you have to earn it ( conditional narc fruited up way ). Like you deserve this just ’cause you are that amazing being ! Thanks so much to you, for sharing all of what is inside of you, it has helped me many times and I always look forward to your posts. I was thinking… is it still possible to defeat someone who is simply themselves ? … don’t think so. I think she lost. Because she had to ask you something. Because she was wanting something from you. You are not the one begging, you are the one who is rich enough of themselves to give to others. Defeat ? Don’t see any anywhere. You rock. Freckles rule. Yeah ! โค โค โค โค โค

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    1. Thank you very much ๐Ÿ™‚

      It’s taken me a long time to realise that I should just be myself and let things play out from there. Who knew being ourselves could be such a challenge… all of us, methinks ๐Ÿ˜‰

      She’s winning a loss!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much ๐Ÿ™‚

      So many questions… indeed!

      I always keep going, it seems to be the thing to do. Occasionally I pause… but even a pause is a form of motion forwards.

      I’m still not sure what luck is… it’s an interesting concept, perhaps.

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  4. This made me cry …I could really feel you being so honest and vulnerable (yikees!!)…:)….and my heart brimmed when i thought if you actually being able to receive that love for you…When I read the first few paragraphs it occured to me…is Ursula receiving the Saturn square to Uranus and Pluto? because I just went through the last hit of it to natal Uranus and I had similar realisations.

    Being able to let go of what you wanted even though it hurts also sounds like a major Pluto lesson.

    Its a healing thing when I finally get the impact on me of what amps me into a frenzy and work that through to a point of defeat of a kind its a bit like the AA concepr of letting go of self will even if that will has good aspects because you hit a road block and the cost of barrelling through is too high.

    Love this post Ursula makes me feel like giving you a big hug…its thanks to you I started blogging and your posts and replies to comments always encourage me to look deeper.
    (–) โ™กโ˜†โ™ก

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    1. Oh… and yes, this is t-Pluto (I’m saying that like in the 300 – this is Sparta!) messing with my Sun, with a side order of Saturn, natal being humped by t-Uranus (squaring natal Sun), and by transit which is messing with my Moon/Neptune/Venus/IC/MC/ASC/DSC… as well as t-Jupiter opp t-Nep which is on my ASC/Moon/DSC/Venus. Fantasy versus reality and so on… the times they are demanding changes ๐Ÿ™‚

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  5. I don’t think you should “force” anything. It would end up being a tragic experiment, ending with tragic results. But I guess we can learn from those as well. I’m trying to break some old patterns as well, and it’s a lot easier said than done. We’re all messes Ursula, in our own maze of wayz. The only constants for me are, God and change. We’re all works in progress. I’m sorry about the ‘loss.’ I think continuing to pursue a perceived victory would only come through a place from the ego. I totally understand your frustration though. I’ve been caught in those places many times. This was a very bold post. You really put yourself out there. I’m proud of you! You should be too. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much ๐Ÿ™‚

      The changes I want to force are small ones, bad habits, crutches, that have been useful over the last couple of years, but I really need to shift gears. I know it’ll change naturally as there’s a big shift coming up soon and that’ll give me a kick in the right direction.

      And yes, the ego needed to step down for this decision. I did enjoy its input as I haven’t been that ego-driven… ever really. It was a new experience, but it needs reining in.

      This loss is basically a battle that needs to be lost so I can win the war ๐Ÿ˜‰ Haha!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much ๐Ÿ™‚

      I’m struggling with that right now. My logical self can see the wisdom in it, in accepting a short term defeat which is actually a long term win. The logical part of me is doing the thinking and deciding at the moment because it has to, but the other parts of me… disagree, a couple of them feel I’m betraying myself. They’re up for some self-destruction… I’m too exhausted for that. Which I think is a bonus.

      I’m trying to keep myself focused on the bigger picture, on the long term. It helps that my decision doesn’t only affect me, but also affects those I love. I’ve never been very good at protecting myself, but I’m better at protecting others, especially from my self-destructive tendencies. Sigh!

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      1. When I realized how vulnerable I was a couple of years ago I was shocked.

        I couldnโ€™t see it.

        What I realize now is that when I find myself obsessing over some small area of control it is usually related to boundary issues.

        One thing I’ve learned about social networking is that there is a large subset of people who simply act as if everything and everyone is theirs.

        They stand out because the internet amplifies behavior that is normally dismissed as “acting out” in everyday life.

        We attribute the sullen bullying and intense need to belong to an ‘in’ group with adolescence–usually early adolescence.

        The fact that we see this on the internet in people who are well into their late 40’s says something about the regressive abilities of the mind.

        We are always everything and in our daily lives we work to bring our behavior into line with the social expectations of people who ‘look’ our age.

        We don’t expect people in their 50’s to flounce into our living rooms and demand attention.

        This kind of acting out is common on the internet.

        There are people on the internet who ‘act out’ because they have never really learned how to think or to process their feelings.

        There are people who will live a lifetime without ever having to question themselves.

        I no longer envy them… ๐Ÿ™‚

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        1. I do expect people in their 40’s and 50’s to flounce, slam doors, demand attention and act out more like very spoiled five year olds than adolescents- that was my parents in a nutshell 24/7/365. I’m surprised when people don’t behave that way but are mature and considerate of others. I’m a bit topsy-turvy.

          The nemesis I spoke of in the post is my mother, and she recently returned into my life because my father died. Let’s just say that the way she’s behaved is not dissimilar to the way that person in Second Life has been behaving with the alternates, and I admire Sara for the way she has handled things.

          One of my lawyers quit because he couldn’t stand dealing with my mother. She can make the most grounded person lose their head because of her antics and her complete inability to grasp any other reality but her own where she is always right and wonderful and doesn’t behave at all the way that she actually does. Everything is always everyone else fault, everyone else is the villain and she is the hero.

          I don’t join groups, not offline or online, for the many of the reasons you have so clearly pointed out. Frankly I’ve had enough of narcissists or that kind of behaviour to last me several lifetimes.

          I’ve only just recently allowed myself to be rude (or just myself) and not cater to their nonsense. It finally sunk in that catering to them wasn’t getting the results I was aiming for, which was for them to leave me alone.

          That’s partly why this decision I made yesterday has been galling because I’m giving my mother what she wants to get her to eff off, and I really was hoping to do something else this time. The way she’s getting it really sucks, my lawyers have made some mistakes due to not believing me when I told them about the sort of things my mother would do, not really believing it even when they saw it for themselves. I tried to protect myself, they left me vulnerable, and since it’s a legal matter, I have to be logical. And if I don’t give her what she wants, I’m basically worse off than if I do because I’ll be stuck with her hanging over me like a shadow waiting to feed off of me. Really fed up of that!

          I’ve actually been quite lucky online, have met some great people, and the few a-holes I’ve come across… growing up with narcissists has taught me a few tricks, like not taking their problems personally. What they spew in your direction is all about them and has very little to do with you, other than that you somehow look too good to them and they need to drag you down to their basement hell. It’s really not that interesting down there, and they never offer you refreshments.

          I think your vulnerability has actually made you stronger, it has a funny way of doing that ๐Ÿ™‚

          Liked by 2 people

            1. I had to delete one of your comments on another post. You are free to say anything you want to me on my blog, but when commenting @ other commenters I have one rule and that is to be considerate towards others.

              If you don’t like someone else who has commented on here, please do not @ them about it.

              Consider how you would feel if another commenter on here had said that to you. And if someone had said that to you on here I would be telling them what I am telling you.

              This is my blog, not a forum, and I’m the only one allowed to be rude to people, and people who comment on here are only allowed to be rude to me. Them’s ma rules!

              You’ve been considerate when @ other commenters, keep doing that not the other thing.

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          1. I agree with you when you say that my vulnerability made me stronger. I didn’t even know that I had DID when I joined SL. And the youngest aspects of me joined—it was terrible. I was like a bleeding man in an effen shark tank.

            But I’ve learned. It’s taken me years, but I’ve learned.

            Pathological narcissists are outrageous in their capacity for deception and courageousness is their camouflage.

            What kind of vicious person would destroy a man’s public reputation over a few game points…there must be something wrong with the guy she’s smearing….what kind of person continues to send email to a man who hasn’t read or replied to them in months?

            Who on Earth can possibly be that entitled?

            A pathological narcissist, of course.

            But who would believe it?

            Almost no one.

            I loved a graphic I saw on your site:

            Why did the narcissist cross the road, he thought it was a boundary.

            I do realize that if I wanted this person to stop sending email all I have to do is say how much I want them to send it….but I am not willing to give the slightest concession to the ego of a narcissist, not even if it means making them go away…

            I really do believe in holding them accountable…not for their health but for ours.

            Every concession we give to these blood sucking bullies takes something from us…

            So I don’t care if they don’t understand…I don’t even care that they don’t care–although I know that ignoring them drives them nuts.

            Let them be nuts…let them scurry into overdrive to bury the truth of their shamelessness.

            I think that we should publicly shame them whenever possible…

            If only to wipe the slime off as we turn and forget that they exist.

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            1. One of the first online friends I made has DID – http://just-call-me-frank.blogspot.co.uk/ – they taught me a lot about interacting online and how to deal with this environment, especially if you choose to share online.

              You have to learn to put up with the shit to get the best out of it. There are a lot of good people online, and those interactions make up for having to put up with the a-holes who troll around. Ultimately most people online are pretty awesome, and far outweigh the ones who make this experience shitty.

              Awhile ago when I took my first tentative footsteps into this world, I followed a blogger and social media regular who had their online world decimated by a stalker. They had thousands of people who loved them and respected them, respected their boundaries, and all it took was one person who was obsessed with them, disrespected all those boundaries and was hellbent on owning every aspect of them. This stalker and destroyer turned out to be someone they knew personally, who lived in their RL community. So, it wasn’t a random online meeting. But sometimes it can be.

              There is no right way of dealing with someone who has decided that they want in on you. Try to put up boundaries and they see that as a challenge. Pull down those boundaries and they look for any boundaries which are left.

              When dealing with a narcissist there is no perfect way of stopping them once they’ve set their sights on you. You represent something for them, and that something may have nothing to do with you – in fact it rarely does, it’s all about what you mean to them. That can be hard to figure out.

              Give them everything and they’ll decide that you’re holding something back and that something is what they really want.

              Give them nothing and that will confirm to them that they have to have whatever it is they’ve decided you have.

              Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

              So, just do whatever you want to do. Do what you need to do for yourself.

              And no, no one else is going to believe you, unless they’ve had an up close and personal experience of a narcissist. People who’ve never had to deal with a narcissist who is targeting them think narcissists are the stuff of fiction. Narcissists know how to work a crowd, and they know how to discredit your version of events even when your version is the truth.

              Before people believe you, certain things have to happen:

              First they have to have no vested interest in the narcissist’s version of events. Narcissists tend to offer illusory benefits to those who will support them.

              Secondly they have to have been screwed over by your narcissist and they need to want some payback. Even if they’ve been screwed over by another narcissist, they might not be aware or willing to admit that this particular person is a narcissist – CZBZ of The Narcissistic Continuum has a cautionary tale about ‘victims of narcissists’ forums – http://n-continuum.blogspot.co.uk/2014/02/online-narcissists-case-study-called.html.

              Thirdly they need to gain something personally from believing you. They don’t want to expose themselves to your narcissist and be targeted by them too because they’re on your side. So, they need to really want to do this for themselves. They’re not going to support you just because of you, because they like you, unless they see themselves as a defender of the underdog – that’s a personal gain to maintain an image they have of themselves.

              Bottom line is – no one is going to stick their neck out for you unless they have a personal vested interest in doing so. Would you stick your neck on the line for someone else if it didn’t benefit you personally in any way?

              Being human 101 – We prefer not to fight if we can flee. Or to be on the side most likely to have an easy win.

              And fighting narcissists is an exhausting, frustrating, rarely victorious endeavour that never ends… most of us would avoid that if we have the option.

              If we don’t have the option… we have to accept that we’re basically on our own in this battle.

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