Letting go, Moving on, and Getting over it

For Halloween I was going to write a post about my hatred of zombies. This is what I wrote thus far:

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Why I Hate The Walking Dead (this was the draft’s title)

Hate is probably too strong a word to describe how I feel about a fictional TV series… however it describes the irrational reaction I have whenever I catch a glimpse of anything related to it.

It’s not you (speaking to the TV series), it’s me. You’re probably brilliant (still talking to the series) as so many fans claim that you are, I just can’t appreciate your brilliance because I am blinded by the fact (probably the wrong word too) that you remind me of…

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Lori-Walking Dead(Lori = my mother)

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…things of which I’d rather not be reminded. You trigger shit… which has yet to evolve into fertiliser for new growth.

If I were to analyse my irrational hatred for the show… but not too analytically otherwise I’d get lost in details… I’d say that it is the worldview which is presented which bothers me the most. It is too familiar, the type of familiar which chafes in a non-creative friction fiction manner, an irritation which is destructive in a non-fiction way.

I grew up in a family which viewed the world… the way the world is viewed in the show. Full of zombies and those who were not zombies were a death away from becoming one. The characters in the show are also too… familiar in a very uncomfortable manner. Too close for comfort. The non-zombies (as yet) were all busy stabbing each other in the back due to a skewed-by-desperation sense of self-preservation (and entitlement to survive over others) which might require stabbing those whose support might be useful in the back.

That is my experience of growing up in a world coloured by the lenses of a narcissist. Not one, but two… two who refused to work together and become one, but also refused to separate and become two.

And me in the middle of the two…

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At this point I decided to let go of the idea for the post, move on from it, but I couldn’t quite get over it… just as I can’t get over my intense and seemingly irrational hatred of zombies.

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I’m feeling very negative at the moment. I keep trying to ‘snap out of it’ but I can’t quite shake the feeling. It comes and goes, mostly it stays, hangs around like a bunch of ‘hoodies’ on a street corner. An undercurrent making all my attempts at positivity seem fake to me. I’m whistling a happy tune trying to pretend that those ‘hoodies’ don’t make me nervous at all. I’m trying to cross the street, get away from the shady side to the sunny side, but cars keep zipping past keeping me trapped on the wrong side of the tracks. Their drivers are in hurry to get where they are going and don’t have time to slow down, the traffic lights aren’t working and the zebra crossing is so faded that it is almost as though it isn’t there.

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Zombies appearing

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In the past I would have spiraled into a bout of self-hatred for not being able to let go, move on and get over my negativity, because like so many people I have been taught to view such a state of mind as being bad, for me and for others, as though I was anti-life, toxic.

Over time I have come to appreciate the positive side of negativity, partly because it dawned on me that there is a negative side to positivity, especially extremist kind of positive thinking which wants to eradicate all negative thought – that positive attitude towards negativity seems more negative than positive to me.

And I’m not the only one who feels that way.

A few of you have mentioned how much you find the terms ‘Let go’, ‘Move on’ , ‘Get over it’, and similar platitudes rather annoying.

Are they annoying in and of themselves or is it the meaning attached to them which grates, the implication which they imply, the context of the text, they way in which they are said by the person saying them or the way they are heard by the person hearing them.

The meaning of something… usually has multiple meanings and definitions. Sometimes we agree on them and sometimes we don’t. It’s when we don’t that things get more complex than they already are.

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let go move on get over it(what if it isn’t a waste of time…?)

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I quite like the terms ‘Let go’, ‘Move on’ , ‘Get over it’, and similar platitudes. They’re a simple and collective manner of expressing something more complicated and individual. However, there are also times when I don’t like them… particularly when someone (including myself) uses them to dismiss something which is not ready to be dismissed.

I can’t ‘let go’ of something (or someone) if it is not ready to let go of me. This situation has a message for me about myself, my life, and until I understand it…

I can’t ‘Move on’ from something (or someone) if it has not moved on from me. This situation needs a form of ‘closure’, and end of some sort, not necessarily a ‘last word’ or a resolution, but something which signals that a red light can finally turn green and let you go. Let you move on to… the next red light.

I can’t ‘Get over it’ until it gets over me… or gets something over to me… until I learn whatever it is that wants me to learn it. Sure, I can graduate and get my degree… but did I learn the subject or did I just learn how to pass a test to get a passing grade to graduate and get a degree.

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the obstacle is the path

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‘Let go’, ‘Move on’ , ‘Get over it’, and similar platitudes have helped me to ‘Shrug things off’ and take a ‘Chill pill’ especially when there was no other way of dealing with a chip on my shoulder because the chip had melded itself to the bone.

That chip is not a burden anymore in the way that it used to be, it doesn’t weigh me down like it used to do turning me into the Hunchback of Notre Dame… it’s still there, but there as a reminder of a lesson I am learning which sometimes requires a walk on the wild and dark side rather than for me to cross the road to avoid meeting it.

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I will probably always hate zombies… more so perhaps because I went through a phase where I was a zombie myself. That’s a hard pill to swallow, but medicine often is, especially when you need to be infected with a virus to teach your immune system to cope with it.

There have been times in my life when the idea of being a zombie seemed to be the thing to be. If you can’t beat them, join them… but joining them didn’t solve the problem. It did however offer a new perspective…

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EggShell

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Sometimes it is hard to break out of our shells, especially when we are not sure if it is worth the effort and pain… the unknown lies outside. Inside it is safe because it is known… or is it?

And breaking out of one shell… doesn’t mean we’re not still trapped inside a shell, we’re just not trapped in the one we’ve broken.

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Yesterday… Today… Tomorrow… each one is a shell of our past, present and future, the fragments of which we carry with us whichever way we go.

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Today, the day when the veil between worlds supposedly drops, thins out, allowing a passing from one place into another… I was presented with a trick or treat. It wasn’t a choice or even a question… it was more of a statement, a blending of two into one.

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your problem or theirs?

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