How To (probably NOT) Read Your Astrology Chart

I love astrology, and I don’t care if people think the subject is bullshit or even dangerous…

The above statement is both true and untrue, and subject to fluctuations, subtleties, nuances, and complex twists and turns common amongst humans.



something I keep in mind when looking at other humans, hope those other humans keep this in mind when looking at me


A quick pause before I continue this train of thought (a train which may well go off the rails as the driver is easily distracted by tangents and the rail system used is a bit of an old one prone to rust, leaves on the line, broken signals, bridges being out, and chasms along the way that beckon the passengers to leap into them).

Since I’m going to be using my natal chart in my rambling and babbling in this post… here’s my natal chart (without all the aspect lines to confuse matters – for aspects see the blocky chart underneath the circular one):



If you want to generate a free natal chart for yourself go to – Astrodienst – log in as a ‘guest’, pop in your birth data, and get a free chart. If you want a free reading use the Astroclick Portrait (which is the simplest and most informative to get to know your chart) in the Free Horoscopes section. If you click on Astroclick Portrait first it’ll take you to a dialogue page to become a ‘guest’ user.


Also common amongst humans is the almost magical ability to turn anything into bullshit and to make it dangerous…

especially when it is an ‘unknown’ which frightens us. Often when we’re afraid of something because we don’t understand it we’re also afraid of anyone who is into that something, who seems to understand it and who isn’t afraid of it (and we may get pissed off at them for not being afraid while we are because anger and fear are intimately connected), and we may try to convince others to join us in our afraid stance (because fear, like misery, loves and desperately needs company – the more the merrier in misery and fear).

Since I’m a loner (which all of my natal chart pretty much confirms – highlights of this are Sun in Capricorn, Moon in Virgo, Virgo rising which prefer solitude as a refuge) the idea of being stuck hiding under a bed or in a closet with a bunch of frightened people made miserable by the pain of fear is anathema and prone to provoking me to leap out and face whatever it is we’re supposed to be hiding from because it’s going to kill us and eat us (or perhaps kill us while eating us alive). I also have Pluto in Virgo in the 1st house of self, identity (which squares Lilith in the 10th house of status)… so my ‘status and identity’ is often ‘destroying self’ for some reason or another like choosing to be destroyed rather than being stuck in a claustrophobic nightmare of anticipation of eventual annihilation by some Big Bad Wolf out there.




I have an almost allergic reaction to the feeling of being trapped – that’s in part due to having Uranus in the 1st house (it has a foot over the threshold into the 2nd house of values – shit that’s mine, Mine, MINE), loosely conjunct Pluto (‘loosely conjunct’ means the close relationship between those two planets was on its way out when I was born, they’d spent too much time together and really couldn’t stand each other anymore even if when they first got together they were certain they’d finally met their ‘soulmate’, but were still hanging out and on by a tiny and very frayed thread before finally admitting it was over between them).

When an ‘unknown’ frightens me, my most regular reaction is to investigate it and make it a known (as much as is possible for a scatterbrain like me – Mercury in Aquarius – who gets bored far too irritatingly easily – Mercury in the 5th needs to have fun while learning, but fun is very fleeting).

According to my natal chart and how I interpret it, particularly my Mars in Scorpio in the 3rd house (of communication, which often shows certain aspects of how your mind works or doesn’t work), if you slap a label of ‘dangerous bullshit’ on something that’s pretty much going to guarantee that I’ll want to investigate it for myself and make up my own mind about it… and about you and your view of that ‘dangerous bullshit’.



(the he who said this about “You,” called you a ‘thing’ so be careful about being flattered or anything else by his ‘real’ words)


Here’s a link to someone’s article on why astrology is dangerous bullshit – Astrology, Bullshit Raised to an Art-Form – and why people like me who love astrology are deluded, stupid, brainwashed by snakeoil salesmen known as astrologers, and best avoided by those who think they know what truth and reality is.

I found that article (really heavy intellectual reading) while trying to discover a bit more about the astrologer Matthew Currie whose work I recently came across and found hilarious and informative – my favourite combo. The article’s author seems to have a particular dislike for that particular astrologer, and there’s a long argument between them in the comments of that article which was far more interesting than the article itself – as comments often are – mainly because it wasn’t a display of intellectual prowess (which can be tedious especially when someone is ponderously monologuing, which intellectuals often do).

Matthew Currie seems to enjoy fighting online with people who challenge him and his work – I think he said he was a Sagittarius (can’t find his chart or astro info – so many astrologers keep their own natal charts ‘private’ from prying eyes… or maybe I didn’t search hard or well enough), a Sun sign which loves to argue boisterously and could teach everyone about the joys of arguing. He had an argument on one of his posts (a very silly post which he made very clear was very silly, yet… why is it that very silly posts often attract people who want to argue seriously, maybe this answers that –  How to Annoy People with your Mars Sign – or maybe it doesn’t) which I enjoyed exploring from my very detached position or browsing lurker of blogs. Unfortunately I’ve deleted my browsing history since then and can’t find that particular post (I’ve tried and got bored more than halfway through rummaging in his archives).

You’d think with so much Virgo in my natal chart that I’d be more efficient, but then again it was the Virgo side of me which deleted the browsing history in a ‘tidying up’ moment (I was erasing traces of the furniture porn I was slobbering over – Capricorns have an erotic thing about well made structures and that for this Cappy includes the structure of people – what they think, feel, how they view reality).



While I’m fortunate to speak more than just English (and understand more than just English), verbal languages aren’t what I really speak or understand. My mother tongue is more attuned to the primal, the unsaid and unseen or something like that.


Anyway, enough of this far too long intro (yup, all those words were part of an intro), on to the meat and potatoes of this post.

How to (probably NOT) read your astrology chart… or at least my natal chart. This could also be called several other titles, some positive, some negative, depending on your state of mind and other stuff.

I’m using myself and my chart as an example, but anyone can do this using themselves or someone else and your or their chart… however it’s easier to do it with yourself, and really before you do this to someone else you should practice it on yourself as it might make you more aware of the pitfalls of doing it and thus might also make you more generous towards others…

something worth considering…

especially after a little interlude which occurred on my blog yesterday. Someone (DisgustedbyCaps) came onto one of my astrology posts and commented thus:


“Interesting article. My only question for Capricorns is, taking in their needs and the energy that they require in order to function at their peak in account. When does a Cap acknowledge and apologize for their fuckery?So Caps admit that they are cold and you seem to champion, in your article, the concept that if somone has an issue with a Cap, it’s that person’ s problem and not the Caps. But when that callousness becomes insensitive is that still only my problem?

All this just sounds like a pile of bullshit excusing yourselves from ever being held responsible for the fucked up way Caps sometimes treat people. You’ve already given yourself license to be an ice cold asshole cunt of a human being who gets away with your fuckery because you delude yourselves into thinking that an energy that you’ve helped to create by virtue of your detached persona renders you void of all responsibilities that come with how you as Caps decide to treat people.”


I paused a long time before approving this comment because frankly I’m bored of this kind of ‘use of astrology’. This isn’t astrology, this is human being human (you could replace the word/label ‘Capricorn’ with ‘Narcissist’ or anything else). This kind of ‘astrology’ is the kind which makes me agree with skeptics and astrology haterz that astrology is bullshit and ‘dangerous’.

But I was in a ‘fuck it’ mood (perhaps due to the Moon transiting Virgo – where it is at home in my chart and therefore I was feeling more feeling, and feeling more vulnerable… I am ‘dangerous’ when vulnerable), so I approved it. I was going to wait awhile before replying until I’d whittled down my reply to a ‘Thank you for sharing’ as all shares are informative and thus appreciated… but someone else waded in unexpectedly to reply and ‘defended’ me – which blew me away (I’m used to handling things on my own, never expect anyone to stand by me, support me, defend me or anything like that and it always surprises me and leaves me burfling – I think I may have just made that word up), but also required that I step in just in case DisgustedbyCaps decided to rant at the person who stepped in and replied to them.

While I was fairly certain that DisgustedbyCaps was a ‘hit and run’ kind of commenter – the kind who drop a pile of steaming poo through your letterbox and don’t stick around to deal with the stink they’ve caused, but run away to avoid the consequences of their actions – while often wanting others to do the opposite, run off laughing at what they’ve done – hate others who do this to them, feeling buoyed by the adrenaline rush of confronting ‘the enemy’ usually in the form of someone who has nothing to do with their ‘real’ enemy – they’re usually too scared of the ‘real’ enemy and so pick on others with whom they feel safe to do so.

But you never know…

So I replied to their comment (found in a slightly confusing knot thanks to how WordPress organises comments and replies on this post – Do you have relationship problems with a Capricorn?) before I was ready to do so and let loose some Mars in Scorpio fairy dust mixed with Pluto in Virgo in the 1st house glitter, with a pinch of sparkly Uranus trine Mercury kinky quirky madness…



I’ve been ‘false to my nature’ for the benefit of others… it didn’t make them any happier than their misery allowed them to be, but it did exhaust me and make me join them in misery but our misery was not compatible. I’m too old for this game, if you’re going to hate me it might as well be fun for me, and if I’m going to have regrets it might as well be for saying what I’m thinking.


So… how does all of this blither blather relate to reading your natal chart?

The first thing which most people know about their ‘astrology’ tends to be their Sun sign. Some people never go beyond this and that is… rather annoying but also typical of humans. When first introduced to astrology as a teenager (by my very first Ken doll… wait, no… boyfriend, I had loads of Ken dolls before that, when he said – my Sun sign is better than yours and I had to check his ‘fact’ and version of reality) I got stuck in Sun sign land for years. Mind you this was before Internet (the dark ages of the modern world). Being stuck in Sun sign land as a Capricorn Sun sign is like… just imagine something which sucks – doing the dishes, trying to get cat hair off of a black suit, filing your taxes, going to the dentist, getting a lecture on what’s wrong with you, etc.

At some point a Capricorn has to develop a sick sense of humour about being a Capricorn or perish under the burden of being one – most other signs do not get our sense of humour, just add that to the myriad ways other signs don’t get us and think we’re the devil incarnate and conclude that the zodiac would be better off without us (if you wiped us out because you were granted one gift of exterminating an entire ‘classification’ of people… which sign would become your next bugaboo that the zodiac would be better off without?).



One of Capricorn’s coping mechanisms is to make Antarctica feel warm


If you’re just going by someone’s Sun sign… you may get some mileage out of it but if what you want to do is know and/or understand someone (including yourself) this tactic is doomed to failure because if you do the math – a lot of people were born during the period assigned to this Sun sign. Are you all the same? Would any of you want to be the same? A tiny bit of sameness is likeable, it connects people, a little bit more sameness is cosy, but too much and it’ll be dislikable and suspect. If this person says ‘me too’ to me one more time I’m going to… turn all Dalek (exterminate) on their Borg (we assimilate) arse – I wonder if they’re thinking the same thing!?

The Sun sign is fun (or terribly not fun at all), but it’s just the tip of the subject.

Yes, I’m a Capricorn sun but…

for starters that Capricorn sun is in the 5th house – the 5th house represents a host of things associated with the Sun sign Leo. Having your sun in the house of Leo is rather good astrologically. Of course there are also ‘bad’ things which come with it. One of the things I love about astrology is it tends to have a fair balance of good and bad, and can also be neutral (waiting for your or someone else’s interpretation to shift it out of neutral).

That 5th house Sun may explain why I like to have ‘fun’, and be creative, writing about my Sun sign (even if it annoys the cursing demons out of others). Call me and everyone of my Sun sign an “ice cold asshole cunt of a human beingand it’s game on. If you thought you could stop me dead in my tracks by your use of ‘see you next tuesday’ (otherwise known as ‘cunt’)… I’ll see your ‘see you next tuesday’ and raise you a ‘watch out what you say and how your bite can end up biting you’. Call me a ‘cunt’ and you’re pretty much giving me permission to be exactly that – usually I refrain from being that way but your invitation is tempting.

My 5th house sun has a ‘special’ relationship with my 1st house Pluto… ruh roh (sinister winky face).


Bane quote - The Dark Knight Rises

Yeah, yeah, Pluto in the 1st… blah darkness, blah shadows, blah destruction, blah, blah… Pluto thinks it’s cute when I mess with it like this, I know it can destroy me but it won’t as long as I make it laugh (winky power) and frankly even if it does destroy me we’ve done this dance before…


Lets’ navigate my chart, shall we (if you have your own chart, tab it up in your browser and navigate it while I navigate mine – mine’s only interesting to me, but how I read mine may help you with reading yours… or not at all)… do I hear screams of let’s not shall we!?

First we should stop and pay homage to the Ascendant because this is – your face to the world. Frankly those trying to guess your Sun sign have a better chance of guessing your rising sign/ascendant. This is the persona which you use most often to deal with the rest of the world, and it also filters the rest of the world for you so you can deal with it.

My Asc/rising sign is Virgo…



Sigh. Heavy sigh… stopping sighing someone might hear you and ask you how you are and then you’ll have to lie to them to protect them from…


I will analyse the world to death (Pluto in Virgo is stepping in, interfering as usual with it’s special brand of the Virgo experience).

I deal with the rest of the world by analysing it, deconstructing it into sections like a jigsaw puzzle. Sometimes I don’t bother puttingwhat I’ve deconstructed back together because… other stuff in my chart which is a lazy S.O.B. and transiting Neptune is still not finished with my 6th house of daily order so… that mess on the floor is staying that way, I’ve tried to tidy it up and that just makes more of a mess of it.

While my Virgo Moon is in the 12th and therefore will be dealt with last on this tour of a natal chart…

Wait, I’m last again? – asks Virgo Moon.

Yes, Virgo Moon, you’re last again even though as the engine of my locomotive chart (part of the side of astrology which deals with chart shapes) you’re actually sort of first, and no one cares what you’re feeling… we’ve discussed this privately and have come to an understanding. People mainly only want to know how you’re feeling when it correlates with what they’re feeling (12th house stuff – collective consciousness, etc, and Chiron in Pisces in the 7th stuff – your wound is their wound, etc), and thus what you’re feeling personally is actually about what they’re feeling personally (and may be the personal impersonal – whatever that means) and how you’ll express it for them and make sense of their feelings so they can deal with them… otherwise they’d prefer to view you as being without feeling – I prefer to view you that way sometimes because frankly what you feel can be too intense for even me to compute and process – that’s why we blog.

Speaking of blogging, you know what… I’ve bitten off more than I can chew, this isn’t going to be what I had originally thought it would be, or something like that and it’s time to admit that this post is too long already and if I want to keep going I’d better make this Part One of some sort of series…

whether there’ll ever be a part two…


Success Quotes & Memes by @businessmindset101 on Instagram

Success Quotes & Memes by @businessmindset101 on Instagram


does it really matter to anyone but me? – a very Jupiter square Pluto transit query, at least it is once you dig deeper into it, why you’re asking what you’re asking and what you’re really asking…