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“It’s a strange grief… to die of nostalgia for something you never lived.”
― Alessandro Baricco
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What is nostalgia?
What is it for you?
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Is it the other half of a whole… a fraction of a whole, which takes up more space than the rest…
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Is it a perfect day…
the sun was shining even if it was stormy, even if it was the darkest of night…
there was sun in your heart and it lit everything up in a glow which you will never forget… which still shines…
but do you remember it as it was or as…
it felt in that blissful moment when all was right in the world, in your world…
it feels now seen from a distance which has changed what it was because of where you are now…
you wish you’d enjoyed that moment rather than wasting it…
you wasted it… why… because it wasn’t as good as… but now it is… better than…
so you make amends in retrospect…
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“In front of him, nothing. He had a sudden glimpse of what he had considered invisible. The end of the world.”
― Alessandro Baricco
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Is it a perfect memory…
one which isn’t anything like what actually happened, but you like this version better…
time heals wounds sometimes by blurring the truth with pretty lies…
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“This is the seashore. Neither land nor sea. It’s a place that does not exist.”
― Alessandro Baricco
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Have you ever been accused of lying when you told the truth… it was not what others wanted to hear and so it became a lie.
Have you ever accused someone of lying because they told the truth… but it was not one you wanted to hear and so it became a lie.
Have you ever wondered how much of what you remember is true… and how much is a lie.
So much gets clouded…
sometimes by very beautiful clouds…
in a cerulean sky…
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a half of a whole
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But there is always a smudge in a corner… an edge of shadow… what is it?
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Is it the other half of a whole… of which only a portion can be seen…
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“We are full of words whose true meaning we haven’t been taught, and one of those words is suffering. Another is the word death. We don’t know what they mean, but we use them, and this is a mystery.”
― Alessandro Baricco
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Nostalgia…
is nastoria veckya…
una storia vecchia…
an old story…
retold…
but when retold it is more imagined than real.
But what is real and what is imagined…?
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I know I posted this song the other day… it’s stuck in my head… as silly as it may seem… there’s something in it…
It tells the story of Maria…
who disappeared, changed her name, went elsewhere, became someone else…
and someone is wondering about her, where did she go, what is she doing, who is she now…
Sometimes we are Maria…
Sometimes Maria is someone else…
sometimes she’s something else…
after which we chase… for which we long…
with a vivid nostalgia…
perhaps for that which we have never lived but would like to live because it promises us fulfillment…
happiness…
love…
wealth…
health…
wisdom…
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“Every so often I wonder what on earth we are waiting for… …For it to be too late.”
― Alessandro Baricco
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another half of a whole
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Sometimes I get an overwhelming nostalgic longing for…
something…
somewhere…
which seems more real than what is here now…
a lustful yearning for… not the real thing… the imagined version of it…
a vision… from a dream…
a scent… ethereal…
a taste… which can never be eaten…
a sound… that can’t be heard…
a touch… that melts away…
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“Sometimes life shows you a side of itself which leaves you with nothing more to say.”
― Alessandro Baricco
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An Upturned Soul 
This is beautiful – lyrical. 🙂 “So much gets clouded.” So true. In some ways, I find that as I get older, some things are more cloudy, other things less so.
Sorry I haven’t been by much lately. I sold my house and have been busy finding a rental, organizing the move, etc. Next couple of weeks will be more busy. Egad! But it’s for a good purpose.
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Thank you very much 🙂
I figured your absence was either due to you not loving me anymore (sulk) or that you were up to your ears in some adventure in your life (yay) 😉
Sounds frightening and thrilling!!! Best wishes and many blessings for your dive into the new… How exciting!!! BIG WHOOP!
Take good care of yourself ❤
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Thanks – I will! Trying to be methodical about all the details but I must confess that they’re clogging up my days pretty effectively. One more year at the present job and then the next, more permanent move in July, 2016!
Thanks for your blessings and good wishes. 🙂 It is frightening and thrilling – trying to stay balanced. 🙂
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You know you’re made of resilient and powerful stuff, and that this is all worth it! 🙂
If you need a break, take it… when the details here on earth get too much, a flight up there to look down on it all can put things in perspective. Remember your passions. One of my fav photographers is Yann Arthus-Bertrand, he did a whole series of photos of the Earth from above – http://yannarthusbertrand2.org/ – which are breathtaking!
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Thank you! 🙂 I am building in time for breaks. Thanks for the website suggestion – his photography is fabulous! 🙂 No flying right now because I’m coming to having that nerve in my heart fixed – end of next month, right after the move. But at least everything will be done for a while. 🙂
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The timing on the heart nerve being fixed and everything else happening is intriguing. Best wishes for everything! 🙂
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It is, isn’t it? I’m in a very transitional period right now and not sure how things will look in a year’s time. In spite of some nostalgia (leaving a house that suited me and that I thought I’d stay in) it’s been a good process. 🙂
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Sometimes we need to be thrown or to leap into the void and have no landing in sight, it is scary, but also the moment we get to know what really is of value to us. It can sometimes be that moment when we see that we are all that we need… and need to be.
I’m in a transitional phase too, except it’s moving in slow motion so I’m just sort of hanging here 😉
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